I like to go out without shoes on hot days and play the floor is lava

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

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Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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Air guitar to a song of how you think it would be on a Guitar Hero game.

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Sniff or tap to a rhythm to some sort of beat I composed in my head...

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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try to make myself sneeze because I like the feeling I get when I do

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when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

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Use my phone to see what time it is

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Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

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Stab myself on a daily basis

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Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

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When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

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I wonder what a baby is laughing about when they are apparently being entertained by something in the room I can't see

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Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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in burgers, you eat until you have only a few bites left, then you eat the bun and then the insides

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Run into a wall and say "I'm sorry" and then realize that it's just a wall.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.