everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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Believing in the kindness of strangers

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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Thinking your life is a movie...

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When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

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sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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when you're walking down the streets and you listen to your iPod, you pretend you're part of the music video for that song and when no ones looking, lip sync to the lyrics, as if the camera man's filming you >.

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Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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I **** with no hands.

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.