Have a sudden urge to say "bomb" at an airport.

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When A situation Doesn't go how I wanted it to go, It annoys me so much I sometimes shit in my hands and clap.

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Find myself thinking a completely random meaningless sentence as I'm falling asleep with no idea how I got to that thought.

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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Write b as d and d as b or p as q and q as p. I mostly write b as d and d as b since I've learned the alphabet. Trying not to do that now

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

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I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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Cheak the fridge every 5 minuets waiting for food to just "magicly" appear

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

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Being fat

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.