I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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I make sims of everyone I know and make them have kids together.

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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Whenever you make cereal, you eat exactly where you make it like on the table.

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That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

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If people knew what I am really thinking about while they are talking to me... YIKES!

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I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

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see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.