Glance at your friend beside you, smile to yourself, and think, "I could murder them."

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When theres a car just like yours right next to your car in the parking lot you almoat always gravitate to that car instead. It's the worst when there people in the car and you keep trying to open it.

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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Leave the fan on at night just in case you feel to warm.

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I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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When it's as quiet as possible in the classroom in the middle of the period and everyone is silently doing their work.... I suddenly think of something REALLY funny and spend the next half hour awkwardly grinning trying my hardest not to burst out uncontrollably.

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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I pee on the bathroom sink everytime, because I am lazy to open the toilet, even when I visit other people, sorry friends and family =)

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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I like to watch people and imagine different stories that could explain why they're doing whatever it is that their doing.

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put wood glue on my hand, blow it dry and peel it off to make fake skin

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

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Think long and hard about something but then realise you don't care

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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get annoyed when the pop-up lid on the dish soap bottle is left up

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.