when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

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Right before I go to the dentist I brush my teeth.

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When there are multiple puddles on the sidewalk you try and jump in every single one of them

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I thought the 2013 film Frozen could have gone longer

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When A situation Doesn't go how I wanted it to go, It annoys me so much I sometimes shit in my hands and clap.

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

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Taking the time to lick all of the cream off of the inside of an Oreo.

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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when passing someone in a car beside you, you try to wonder where they are going just by looking at them, their clothes or their expressions

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Link gross things with porn i.e: Think of really gross things (or friends or family) when fapping to really hot stuff ( the porn becomes ruined)

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I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

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Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

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Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

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when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

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sometimes *sigh* sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.