I get really annoyed by the constant audience laughter in some tv shows even when nothing funny is said

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

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Having more dificulty thinking in your native language than your 2nd or 3rd one. Or 4th one. Or... the rest. I highly doubt that one's common.

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Only use the left earphone.

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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When someone enters the room while i'm playing a game, start playing the best song of the game soundtrack so they notice it and think the game has a cool soundtrack.

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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I was the real Stig...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.