- Things You Think Only You Do

I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

Emmy Jackson Y U ALWAYS ANGRY WHEN SOMEONE SAY HI

The volume level on my TV has to be either an even number or a multiple of five.

I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

Before going to bed look around the dark room and when you see something suspicious you have a look to see its not a person

For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

after seeing toy story, and watching that toys moved and talked to each other when the humans werent around, thinking that toys are really like that when you gone, and when you go back to you room, the toys rush back into their spots.

When a book is boring, i will think of my favouite song and then i will start singing the book, like i will look at the words and ligit, start singing them in my favourite tune~im so weird

I talk to inanimate objects daily.

I have to stop the Microwave on 0 but before it beeps or I'm not going to get what I want in life. OCD MUCH

When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

only read the short jokes on this website

Videotape my mother in the shower.

I don't read the terms of service.

test how many stares you can scale in one step

Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

go to the search engine suggestions and see what people found, then type them in to see if you get the same results

jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.