like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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Whenever I pull a long hair from my vagina or butt, it feels good.

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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Whenever on a car ride, pretend you are in a military convoy and shoot at pursuing helicopters and soldiers.

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Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

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Try to figure out if some of the posts were written by the same person.

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Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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When I'm watching a video on YouTube, I repeatedly click on the video slider section below the video because I feel uncomfortable not doing it, ever since I realized that you can't move to different parts of the video with your keyboard without clicking there first.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

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Unable to be near my cat without petting her or talking to her.

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Realizing that I can just yell out the word "Fuck!" and no one can stop me.

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I lift my butt when I'm farting

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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doesn't eat meal until desired tv show starts.

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Link gross things with porn i.e: Think of really gross things (or friends or family) when fapping to really hot stuff ( the porn becomes ruined)

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wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

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feel like im being watched turn my head sideways and see someone suddenly look away.

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.