That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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Taking the time to lick all of the cream off of the inside of an Oreo.

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Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

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Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

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I make sims of everyone I know and make them have kids together.

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

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I pretend that my pillow is the love of my life and kiss it and cuddle it before bed.

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Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

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If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

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I don't read the terms of service.

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While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

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You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

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If my SOLVE media is too long I refresh it to give me a shorter one

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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doesn't eat meal until desired tv show starts.

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I say that girl's name I have a crush on right before I go to sleep because I want her to be the last thing I think about, and then wake up realizing that it was super creepy... Only to do it again the next night

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.