That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

Taking the time to lick all of the cream off of the inside of an Oreo.

Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

I make sims of everyone I know and make them have kids together.

i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

I pretend that my pillow is the love of my life and kiss it and cuddle it before bed.

Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

I don't read the terms of service.

While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

If my SOLVE media is too long I refresh it to give me a shorter one

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

doesn't eat meal until desired tv show starts.

I say that girl's name I have a crush on right before I go to sleep because I want her to be the last thing I think about, and then wake up realizing that it was super creepy... Only to do it again the next night

Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.