Mouth words to people wearing headphones to try and get them to take them off.

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When I was younger, I would always try to construct some type of car by using the plastic things from Push-Ups as wheels.

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I don't use my car air conditioning because I think it's wasteful and it might "run-out" when I'm REALLY, REALLY hot.

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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Emmy Jackson Y U ALWAYS ANGRY WHEN SOMEONE SAY HI

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Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

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Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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Before going to bed look around the dark room and when you see something suspicious you have a look to see its not a person

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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The volume level on my TV has to be either an even number or a multiple of five.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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When a book is boring, i will think of my favouite song and then i will start singing the book, like i will look at the words and ligit, start singing them in my favourite tune~im so weird

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after seeing toy story, and watching that toys moved and talked to each other when the humans werent around, thinking that toys are really like that when you gone, and when you go back to you room, the toys rush back into their spots.

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Tell myself that I'm only going for a 20 minute nap and end up sleeping for 1/+ hour(s)...

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

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I have to stop the Microwave on 0 but before it beeps or I'm not going to get what I want in life. OCD MUCH

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judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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Videotape my mother in the shower.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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I don't read the terms of service.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.