Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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Justin Beiber is a woman

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Walking around on the streets wondering if you are really walking in place, and the earth is spinning according to how you walk, like a treadmill.

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Whenever I pull a long hair from my vagina or butt, it feels good.

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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When a book is boring, i will think of my favouite song and then i will start singing the book, like i will look at the words and ligit, start singing them in my favourite tune~im so weird

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When in a public toilet, I never leave the cubicle until everyone is either out of the room or in their own cubicle.

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Listening to more obscure music in a public place and turning it up in hopes that someone will ask you what you're listening to and you can tell them about it/open their minds.

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I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

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After eating a sandwich, eat the leftover sesame seeds one-by-one.

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I don't read the terms of service.

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I lift my butt when I'm farting

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Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

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That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.