Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Courtesy flush.

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Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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Say "Up and Down" for "Left or Right"

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sometimes *sigh* sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

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Sitting down in the shower

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trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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When you don't have enough money for something, you just take a tiny bit of money from your siblings and parents room at a time so they don't notice any different

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Kill Jb without getting aressted.

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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stare at someone then when they turn around look all around the room pretending you weren't looking at them

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Pretending you're a badass character from an anime or movie when listening to rock music (or something similar)

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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When you're scared of the bathroom and you close your eyes you quickly look around to check if there's a monster or something in the mirror

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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I have a phobia of incest

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If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.