play Simpsons episodes in my head...way too often

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When I am making submissions to this site I sometimes accidentally put them in the comment section

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I watch American football with the sound down low because the announcers are always trying to tell us that we didn't see what we just saw when the referees make bad calls

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When I have my headphones in, and I'm miming the words to a song in the bathroom pretending that I'm playing a gig. I put the tap on to make sure no one hears me dancing.

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

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Whenever someone enters a pin number I always try to see how many number I can remember

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

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Find myself thinking a completely random meaningless sentence as I'm falling asleep with no idea how I got to that thought.

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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You feel compelled to stab someone in the face... But you don't since you know its wrong. Instead you play violent video games to get it off your mind.

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When in class , I move alot in my chair when my butt itches .

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Point your finger to the sky when your favorite song comes on in the club or the radio

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When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

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I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

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I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.