I make sims of everyone I know and make them have kids together.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Point your finger to the sky when your favorite song comes on in the club or the radio

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Try to figure out if some of the posts were written by the same person.

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Click an invisible pen I think is in my hand but is not constantly everyday.

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If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

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I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

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Get turned on when you see a girl yawn

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You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

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I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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Cringe when remembering something weird about you that happened years ago

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

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I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

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When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.