Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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Whenever Terminator 2 is on tv, I become enthralled and can't stop watching even though I've seen it a million times.

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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I thought I was disgusting until I read the top voted things here. Floral: Actually pretty neat.

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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I have a phobia of incest

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Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

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When reading some of the weirder things here, I somewhat worry some of these things people do might start happening to me just because I read about them.

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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When theres a car just like yours right next to your car in the parking lot you almoat always gravitate to that car instead. It's the worst when there people in the car and you keep trying to open it.

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

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Leave the fan on at night just in case you feel to warm.

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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When it's as quiet as possible in the classroom in the middle of the period and everyone is silently doing their work.... I suddenly think of something REALLY funny and spend the next half hour awkwardly grinning trying my hardest not to burst out uncontrollably.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.