After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

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Counting down on a digital clock, trying to say "0" just as the time changes.

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I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

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standing at the mall with your group talking, you all decide to start walking to a store, start to follow but half the group stays behind for a few seconds then they start walking, walk a slower pace only to find out that you're in the middle of your split groups e.g. 3 in front 4 behind...dont know which one to merge to......wait for your group to collaborate back together.

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When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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I **** with no hands.

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When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

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Scroll aimlessly through the posts on this website and for some reason, creepily stop and check the comments on the one that has the word "boobs" in it.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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I like to go out without shoes on hot days and play the floor is lava

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Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

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Be talking to someone about something random, then a few days later or so... something very relevant to that happens, then you think to yourself "I'm sure I can tell the future"... I'm very confident that, that is just me...

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Sometimes when my teacher calls on me in class I imagine myself saying F**** you and then having the whole class look at me in disbelief

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When i was a kid. I really dont care about the story of any animated film. As long as im watching it.

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Never eat curry before school otherwise you will have a massive poo

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Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

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Delete the whole password when I mess up only the one letter.

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Sometimes I think of doing really bad things and smirk, only to later regret even thinking of it and start questioning myself while feeling bad about it.

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When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

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put wood glue on my hand, blow it dry and peel it off to make fake skin

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.