the power to regenerate your appendix

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Whenever I got hurt I used to just run like that would stop the pain

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only read the short jokes on this website

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You feel compelled to stab someone in the face... But you don't since you know its wrong. Instead you play violent video games to get it off your mind.

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in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

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feel like im being watched turn my head sideways and see someone suddenly look away.

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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Thinking about life as if its just a dream and wondeing if one day your just going to wake up and be like " wtf just happend".....

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Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

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When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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sometimes *sigh* sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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Only use the left earphone.

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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Sitting down in the shower

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.