I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

I like to watch people and imagine different stories that could explain why they're doing whatever it is that their doing.

put wood glue on my hand, blow it dry and peel it off to make fake skin

Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

Think long and hard about something but then realise you don't care

get annoyed when the pop-up lid on the dish soap bottle is left up

Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

I stick used soap to a new soap so I don't waste it.

Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

When I'm laying in bed in the dark and I close my eyes for a while then when I open them again I quickly scan for a light source just to make sure I can still see.

When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

I wonder if elections are rigged?

Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

the power to regenerate your appendix

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.