I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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I like to watch people and imagine different stories that could explain why they're doing whatever it is that their doing.

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put wood glue on my hand, blow it dry and peel it off to make fake skin

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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Think long and hard about something but then realise you don't care

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get annoyed when the pop-up lid on the dish soap bottle is left up

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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I stick used soap to a new soap so I don't waste it.

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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When I'm laying in bed in the dark and I close my eyes for a while then when I open them again I quickly scan for a light source just to make sure I can still see.

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When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

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When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.