Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

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Sneeze for a few minutes when I've eaten too much.

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

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poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

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standing at the mall with your group talking, you all decide to start walking to a store, start to follow but half the group stays behind for a few seconds then they start walking, walk a slower pace only to find out that you're in the middle of your split groups e.g. 3 in front 4 behind...dont know which one to merge to......wait for your group to collaborate back together.

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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Hide your I pod when your parents walk in at 12pm and then go back to what ever you were doing when they leave.

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing

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When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.