- Things You Think Only You Do

only read the short jokes on this website

I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

I lift my butt when I'm farting

Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

When in class , I move alot in my chair when my butt itches .

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

Blow into the shower head when I'm taking a shower to make what sounds like jet noises

I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

Having more dificulty thinking in your native language than your 2nd or 3rd one. Or 4th one. Or... the rest. I highly doubt that one's common.

standing at the mall with your group talking, you all decide to start walking to a store, start to follow but half the group stays behind for a few seconds then they start walking, walk a slower pace only to find out that you're in the middle of your split groups e.g. 3 in front 4 behind...dont know which one to merge to......wait for your group to collaborate back together.

Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.