Left alone Big noise, people aren't expected back as soon so grab baseball bat and charge only to find them back early...."what you doing?" "batting my socks around practising my baseball skills"

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only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

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dip my fries in ice cream! sometimes in soda. It's good!

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

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Getting over excited when you hear a song you like on the radio, even though you have it on your Ipod and can listen to it whenever you want.

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Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

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I sometime's wonder if other people can see and feel everything I can but are just in my body too judge me.

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Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

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Sleep with pillow between legs

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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cussing someone out on a video game only to realize that your mic is off

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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Sometimes, for no real reason, I'll make strange or funny noises when no one is around.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.