When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

thumb_up thumb_down -62

I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

thumb_up thumb_down -64

When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

thumb_up thumb_down -68

I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Know almost every line from spongbob episodes.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

thumb_up thumb_down -76

Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

thumb_up thumb_down -78

(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

thumb_up thumb_down -88

I like to go out without shoes on hot days and play the floor is lava

thumb_up thumb_down -108

Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

thumb_up thumb_down -112

Make up a song to yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down -158

Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

thumb_up thumb_down +37

dip my fries in ice cream! sometimes in soda. It's good!

thumb_up thumb_down +25

At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.