Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

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Justin Beiber is a woman

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Whenever on a car ride, pretend you are in a military convoy and shoot at pursuing helicopters and soldiers.

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I spin around in a spot, and then close my eyes and tilt my head up and to the opposite side i'm spinning to. It just feels awesome and it's even better while listening to music.

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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Try to figure out if some of the posts were written by the same person.

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

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That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

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Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

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i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

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walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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only read the short jokes on this website

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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When in class , I move alot in my chair when my butt itches .

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Blow into the shower head when I'm taking a shower to make what sounds like jet noises

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.