Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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Thinking about life as if its just a dream and wondeing if one day your just going to wake up and be like " wtf just happend".....

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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Say "Up and Down" for "Left or Right"

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i masturbate with my feet

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

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Put my hands together the 'other' way

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.