Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Whenever someone enters a pin number I always try to see how many number I can remember

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when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

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Think long and hard about something but then realise you don't care

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Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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Freak out at sudden noises when home alone at night.

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I cant ride a bike

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Click an invisible pen I think is in my hand but is not constantly everyday.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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When A situation Doesn't go how I wanted it to go, It annoys me so much I sometimes shit in my hands and clap.

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Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

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When I'm watching a video on YouTube, I repeatedly click on the video slider section below the video because I feel uncomfortable not doing it, ever since I realized that you can't move to different parts of the video with your keyboard without clicking there first.

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I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

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I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

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I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

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I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.