I chuckle whenever I hear the phase "Stark raving mad." I don't know why.

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I put the volume on my television so it is on any number divisible by five (5-10-15 etc. etc.)

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Whenever you make cereal, you eat exactly where you make it like on the table.

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

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When I find a new song I like, I listen to it over and over and over; >>Until I run that sh*t into the ground.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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Click an invisible pen I think is in my hand but is not constantly everyday.

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The power to put a pointless super power on thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Blow into the shower head when I'm taking a shower to make what sounds like jet noises

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I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

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I say that girl's name I have a crush on right before I go to sleep because I want her to be the last thing I think about, and then wake up realizing that it was super creepy... Only to do it again the next night

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Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

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Ur mum

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.