even though you know you turned the light off, you have to go check before you can get to sleep

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Get turned on lookin at my own butt

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Think about things I should be doing with my life.

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I'm 30, but to this day I still have fantasies about rescuing the girl that I'm secretly in love with from a dangerous situation. The fantasies get increasingly ridiculous, sometimes they even involve superhero stuff. It's as if my own mind was trying to let me know that I should grow the f*** up.

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after ive done something, or experienced something. when i think back on the days events, i think to myself. "i think ive done that before somewere". i must have a boring existance. its always de ja vu with me.

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Forgets something then walks into the room to get it then forgets what you forgot nikki

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Think about blinking, and then realize that when you think about blinking, you can't stop thinking about blinking, and thus a 3-4 minute awkward blinking-fest begins.

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When your the only one home and you hear a slight creak be like I HEARD THAT to scare of any serial killers.

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RAPE CHILDREN

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When taking trash up to the street, I always runback as fast as I can, counting down from 5, pretending there's a sniper about to shoot me.

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Going to a friends house for the weekend, coming home and checking the fridge/pantry for new foods.

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Clicking the thumbs up or down when two of the submissions have the same number of thumbs up and think i'm the chosen one.

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Laugh quietly to myself in public then cough to make the laugh seem like a it was a cough so people won't think I'm weird.

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Put things in the front of the dishwasher 1st cause im to lazy to pull the whole thing out to put anything in the back or the right place.

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Breathe.

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Pronouncing 'garage' as 'grozhh'

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When home alone, you feel the need to turn on every light/appliance so you won't hear the serial killer who you are sure hides in your basement

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when something on the internet is loading really long i close all the other tabs so my computer can concentrate only on one thing and then i get annoyed because i have to open up all the tabs again

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I hug-squeeze the bread to get all the air out before putting it away.

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when you say something and they go what? so you repeat it and they still didn't hear but once you say "forget it" they suddenly understood you perfectly.

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Whenever I leave a phone message, I feel like I'm leaving the last message I will every leave to my family in my life because I will somehow die soon. I've watched too much drama.

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I pee in the shower.

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I always leave a little coffee in the pot so that it becomes someone elses problem

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Handing something to a friend or someone and all you can think is "...I've fapped with that hand. And they know I have" even though you clean up after you feel like your jizz is gonna be on what you gave them and theyll find out amd think you're disgusting.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.