When I am bored, usually in class, I simulate what I would do if the zombie apocalypse was occurring right now.

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Aim at shit stains whilst I pee.

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I put morals on posts to get a thumbs up. Moral: Posts with morals get thumbs up.

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Looking at these in school when it's dead silent and trying so hard not to laugh so you won't get yelled at.

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Reading the terms of service :O....

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I have to check my closet for monsters so they don't get me while I sleep

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I pretend that I've caught the man in the walk/don't walk sign doing something bad and I stare at him accusingly

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Think I'm going to fall down when I step onto an esculator that's not moving.

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I'm 30, but to this day I still have fantasies about rescuing the girl that I'm secretly in love with from a dangerous situation. The fantasies get increasingly ridiculous, sometimes they even involve superhero stuff. It's as if my own mind was trying to let me know that I should grow the f*** up.

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even though you know you turned the light off, you have to go check before you can get to sleep

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Seperate your food on you dinner plate

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I lock the bathroom door even when I'm home alone.

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every bite i have of a sandwich, i need to have a sip of a flavored drink to "soften the bread and make it taste good".

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Sometimes I reflexively say "ouch" when I drop an inanimate object and I'm not even hurt.

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Any time I shop for used clothes, I always have to ask, “Did anybody die in this?” –Ikka

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Pronouncing 'garage' as 'grozhh'

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When eating chips/cereal (out of the box)/any small snacks I put an even amount in my mouth and divide them evenly on each side of my mouth and chew them like that.

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I sleep in the nude.

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After having an argument with your partner you text them later then halfway thru the text you forget hat you were going to say back track and tell them you love them! "didn't matter really did it lol"

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Hate to type Morals under each one of my posts Moral: A small chick in the hand is better than a huge C**K up your ass. I am pretty sure not even women nor homosexuals want birds up there...Then again, I havent searched for anything like that at the intern... they are eating her! And now they are gonna eat me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! (fly stuck on head)

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I translate (parts of) songs into different languages in my head. I try to do it as good as possible.

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after doing the dishes i get my hands wet after putting my jumper on cause i failed 2 dry my hands propley my arms a f***** cold dammit!!

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RAPE CHILDREN

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when something on the internet is loading really long i close all the other tabs so my computer can concentrate only on one thing and then i get annoyed because i have to open up all the tabs again

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.