Hate to type Morals under each one of my posts Moral: A small chick in the hand is better than a huge C**K up your ass. I am pretty sure not even women nor homosexuals want birds up there...Then again, I havent searched for anything like that at the intern... they are eating her! And now they are gonna eat me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! (fly stuck on head)

thumb_up thumb_down

When walking along, I try to race someone walking towards me. For example, a letter box is ahead of me and there is someone walking towards me. I will try and reach the letter box before the other person without looking awkward.. then feel like God if I manage to do it.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Think I'm going to fall down when I step onto an esculator that's not moving.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

When taking a shit, I get freaked out in case I get teleported to a place with lots of people by a scientist from the future or something.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Count how long it takes before you stop peeing.

thumb_up thumb_down -174

When I'm watching an episode of a show that I've seen before with a friend, I say a part that is coming up ahead and act like I guessed.

thumb_up thumb_down +61

If a donkey and a angle fish where to pro create what would be the out come? They can't mate a donkeys a mammal and a angle fish is a fish

thumb_up thumb_down +43

when something on the internet is loading really long i close all the other tabs so my computer can concentrate only on one thing and then i get annoyed because i have to open up all the tabs again

thumb_up thumb_down +29

When I go up the stairs, I always have to end on my right foot. If I have to, I will even hop on one foot on the last stair in order to land on it.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

I use the power-stance sometimes when I poop. It's where you completely remove one leg from your pants and put the shoe back on. Your legs can go further apart.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

im going to rape that girl

thumb_up thumb_down -106

masturbate... with condoms and gloves because male genitalia is gross and clean up takes just a few seconds rather than minutes

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Blow dry my dick and balls after getting out of the shower.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Get sharp pains in your chest whenever you're watching or reading a sex scene.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

When I stop thinking about about something it'll turn out that I've been staring at someone without meaning to.

thumb_up thumb_down -81

when I need to do a number 2 in a public toilet I put toilet paper in there first so my neighbours cant hear it.

thumb_up thumb_down

When in a public bathroom, flush the toilet right before your shit falls into the water, so no one will hear.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

thumb_up thumb_down -61

avoid using ketchup and mayo since they make everything taste like um... ketchup and mayo... which is kind of boring

thumb_up thumb_down -2

get insulted when lazy people cheer you to work hard

thumb_up thumb_down -26

I have to fart real bad but people are around me , so I try to silent fart

thumb_up thumb_down -85

Pretend that when you are in the shower, the shower head is a giant machine gun, that takes thousands of men to operate, and that you were an extremely large person and you catch ALL of the bullets in your mouth, spitting them at the shower head while at the same time turning off the water as if they all died, and the small drips that continue to drop out were the dead soldires' blood.....-dillon

thumb_up thumb_down +72

Sometimes when I touch something I have to touch all of the object and with both hands, otherwise I feel incomplete.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

I lock the bathroom door even when I'm home alone.

thumb_up thumb_down -99

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.