Repeatably look at something ugly, even if it's ugly

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When you sit down to a great dinner with all your favorite foods and then the nanosecond your ass touches the chair you are instantly he most tired and uninterested in food than you have ever been before

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Whenever people dare accuse me of being too full off myself I tell them. Moral: I cant get to full of myself, the more me, the less you, ALL THE BETTER FOR EVERYONE! WE ARE VICTORY! (except you)

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I plan to put money away everyday but never seem to do it.

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Change my name on Siri on iPhone to something hillarius and make it say my name

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A stranger makes me mad. Spend all day thinking about badass things that I should have done/said.

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Turning on the dryers in the bathroom so no one will hear you peeing

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I look at my phone screen when i'm in an uncomfortable situation, and five minutes later i have to look again cause somebody asks what time it is.

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When taking a pee instead of standing in front of the toilet stand in the side so if someone walks in they wont see your penis

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I trap my farts under the covers and sniff them all up or cup them in my hand and sniff real hard to get the smell.

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get annoyed by people singing a song only to show off their brilliant voice and automatically think that they cannot sing as good as they think they can

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sometimes when I listen to a song while riding in the car I look out the window and pretend I'm in some angsty music video

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when im in a public toilet and my freinds outside i make loud converstation with them so they cant hear me pee.

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I can't leave the volume on anything on a odd number.

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Have a fantasy where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart while Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum.

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Stick my tongue inside the ramen noodle flavor bag when im dne with it.

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sniff my armpit when somebody says someone stinks and shouts NOT ME lol

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use my phone as an alarm clock for waking up. but sets the time in PM instead of AM.

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When Ive just intentionally committed some minor traffic offense (speeding, illegal U-turn) and suddenly worry a cop may have spotted me and act to myself in the car as if I was truly confused and have no idea what I did wrong, like moving my head around and saying, "Huh? Where's that house?"

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After I flush the toilet, I run out of the bathroom really fast.

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I pick my nose n eat it. I love the hard ones

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Closing your eyes and covering your ears when you think someone is going to throw up.

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Am I the only one who wrote "free Candy" on the side of my van?

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Had a dream within a dream, just like Inception. You woke up and it felt so real you were sure of it. Then a bit later you wake up again.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.