I'm so afraid of using words incorrectly that I look up any word I'm not sure that I'm using properly before typing it into wherever I'll use it. If the definition is too vague, I abandon the word and try something else.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

I trap my farts under the covers and sniff them all up or cup them in my hand and sniff real hard to get the smell.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

pleasure my self... because I didn't they automatically censored certain words

thumb_up thumb_down -63

I pick my nose n eat it. I love the hard ones

thumb_up thumb_down -103

Having an OCD moment when the number of questions on a test is not a multiple of 5. I mean, who puts 47 questions on a test?! Or 53? English and Math teachers rarely do this but it's always the Histoy ones...

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Instead of having a nasty breaking up, I just disappear.

thumb_up thumb_down

I plan to put money away everyday but never seem to do it.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

When watching a heavy action movie and you suddenly start thinking about how much it would cost to repair the damages made in the movie.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Think you're breathing way too loud when your headphones are turned up

thumb_up thumb_down -111

being a mid-teenager, never having a relationship before and don't care at all.

thumb_up thumb_down -125

use the restroom at a different floor/building when taking a dump at work.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I prefer to masturbate by putting a fleshlight under my stuffed-toy smurfette's dress and pretend to smurf her.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

When watching a video or listening to music, take earbuds out four or five times in repetition to make sure that no one can hear the audio but you, then check them again when someone comes within twenty feet of you. Then, spend the rest of the time feeling awkward and expecting someone to jump out of the bushes and take a video of that idiot with the defective headphones.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

I ejaculate fire and glory

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Saying or doing something stupid, then later replaying it in your head and wanting to punch yourself in the face for it, then coming up with different ideas on how you could have been less stupid. -B

thumb_up thumb_down -132

I very carefully smell what I'm about to eat before I eat it, but I'd most likely eat it, even if I hadn't smelled it first.

thumb_up thumb_down +81

I put salt on buttered toast...

thumb_up thumb_down +37

use cleverbot to chat to automated dating chat bots. even if i don't understand swedish.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

When I am walking and accidentally touch a strangers hand I pretend it never happened -Marquez, P

thumb_up thumb_down -67

get scarred shit less when some one burst though your door when it tacky

thumb_up thumb_down -147

hold my shirt with my chin when i'm peeing.

thumb_up thumb_down +102

go to the bathroom, turn on the hot water, get undressed so that the water has time to heat up

thumb_up thumb_down +46

"Hey, did you see that new episode last night?" "Yeah!" "Do you remember that part when he ran through the city?" "Yeah!" LIES

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Get distracted during fap dreams and thinking of your mom and then going OMG GROSS OH GOD IM A PERV!!

thumb_up thumb_down

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.