When I forget to brush my teeth, scrape off the plaque on my teeth with my fingernail.

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I prefer to masturbate by putting a fleshlight under my stuffed-toy smurfette's dress and pretend to smurf her.

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I sometimes rub my scalp rapidly and watch my dandruff fall down like snow.

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when i was a kid, i lookup dirty words in the english dictionary as substitute for porn :(

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I pick my nose n eat it. I love the hard ones

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I plan to put money away everyday but never seem to do it.

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use cleverbot to chat to automated dating chat bots. even if i don't understand swedish.

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When telemarketers call I speak Afrikaans to them until they hang up

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avoid going in the handicap bathroom stall because you're afraid someone will see you cause it's so big

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FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAPFAP FAP ::TROLLFACE::

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get scarred shit less when some one burst though your door when it tacky

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Having an OCD moment when the number of questions on a test is not a multiple of 5. I mean, who puts 47 questions on a test?! Or 53? English and Math teachers rarely do this but it's always the Histoy ones...

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When ever I touch something a certain way I have to touch it again exactly like I did the first time

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Go back to the song if I don't here what they sang Kay

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act like people from movies or shows just because my life is that boring

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wonder how old the people r who right these. im 12

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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If someone asks me if I want something and they get up to get it and im sitting down, I say " oh I can get it" eventhough they are already up just to not seem like a lazy piece of shit

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I walk down the stairs sideways because I'm afraid something will get me.

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hold my shirt with my chin when i'm peeing.

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When I fart I immediately go 'Eww. Who farted? That's gross'. And I blame it on someone else, always works :)

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When watching a video or listening to music, take earbuds out four or five times in repetition to make sure that no one can hear the audio but you, then check them again when someone comes within twenty feet of you. Then, spend the rest of the time feeling awkward and expecting someone to jump out of the bushes and take a video of that idiot with the defective headphones.

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Don't have to poop for a week until I get in the shower

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Sometimes I just space out for a period of time and completely forget that I'm breathing. Then when I snap out of it, I kind of breathe deeply because I thought I forgot to breathe.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.