When telemarketers call I speak Afrikaans to them until they hang up

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I ejaculate fire and glory

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avoid going in the handicap bathroom stall because you're afraid someone will see you cause it's so big

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I pick my nose n eat it. I love the hard ones

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being a mid-teenager, never having a relationship before and don't care at all.

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Reherse jokes/phrases to say to friends in school tomorrow

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I plan to put money away everyday but never seem to do it.

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"Hey, did you see that new episode last night?" "Yeah!" "Do you remember that part when he ran through the city?" "Yeah!" LIES

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You imagine your future self visiting you and tell you about your life.

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When ever I touch something a certain way I have to touch it again exactly like I did the first time

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Be talking to someone about something random, then a few days later or so... something very relevant to that happens, then you think to yourself "I'm sure I can tell the future"... I'm very confident that, that is just me...

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I prefer to masturbate by putting a fleshlight under my stuffed-toy smurfette's dress and pretend to smurf her.

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When watching a video or listening to music, take earbuds out four or five times in repetition to make sure that no one can hear the audio but you, then check them again when someone comes within twenty feet of you. Then, spend the rest of the time feeling awkward and expecting someone to jump out of the bushes and take a video of that idiot with the defective headphones.

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I sometimes rub my scalp rapidly and watch my dandruff fall down like snow.

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popping the lenses out of 3D glasses and wearing them when your doing homework or studying because it makes you feel smarter.

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when i was a kid, i lookup dirty words in the english dictionary as substitute for porn :(

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Go back to the song if I don't here what they sang Kay

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go to the bathroom, turn on the hot water, get undressed so that the water has time to heat up

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Fart when i'm alone RIGHT before someone walks in... try to talk over the smell...

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Purposely save one piece of homework untill Sunday night in case you want to get out of doing something boring.

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When I'm crying i look in the mirror to see what i look like while I'm crying

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Get creeped out at seeing 11:34 at least once per day. The number even turns up everywhere in my life such as my jewelry store.

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On YouTube, if someone comments a time in the video (or in the description) I always click it for fun, even if it doesn't work. Like if someone comments "it's 4:12 right now" on a 2 minute video I click the link.

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Tape your dick to your leg to fit into tight pants

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.