I ejaculate fire and glory

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cut corners when walking not because it's faster, but because it's more efficient

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When in long car rides I imagine a little man running or on roller skates next to the car. When A car comes he turns into a ninja and can slide under/jump over or cut the car in half.

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Whenever I go to a new place, I look around and carefully plan my escape route in case of zombies.

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Think that everything has feelings for example, a cushion or a tree

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After watching a movie, always walk out the theatre feeling like a total bad ass

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Become paranoid that this is not the real world, and instead is some coma induced dream.

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When changing the volume one my computer it has to be a multiple of 2

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Wasting a whole bunch of time trying to find how to make one and realizing it was at the top and that you forgot what you were going to put in the first place.

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being a mid-teenager, never having a relationship before and don't care at all.

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Contract my gluteus maximus while sitting for a long time to feel more comfortable.

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You laugh to yourself when you think you are alone in a street but then you notice somebody in a car looking at you.

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Be talking to someone about something random, then a few days later or so... something very relevant to that happens, then you think to yourself "I'm sure I can tell the future"... I'm very confident that, that is just me...

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avoid going in the handicap bathroom stall because you're afraid someone will see you cause it's so big

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Don't have to poop for a week until I get in the shower

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during texting you set your phone in your lap right before a car is about to pass you so they dont see you texting and driving

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Saying or doing something stupid, then later replaying it in your head and wanting to punch yourself in the face for it, then coming up with different ideas on how you could have been less stupid. -B

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go to the bathroom, turn on the hot water, get undressed so that the water has time to heat up

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Always look down at the floor or avoiding any kind of eye contact when your getting told off for something really bad

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Pretend it doesn't hurt when someone I try for rejects me, but it does hurt, a lot.

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Sometimes I see on the clock, the seconds needle go back 1 second and then never do that again for the rest of the day/week or whenever I'm staring at the clock for it to happen again. -Mike

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shag your mom

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Open Fridge, look around for few seconds, say to self - 'What the f*** am I doing?'

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Leave the television on in my room when I go to bed, so I have some light and I can't hear all the creepy sounds that houses make.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.