When I am walking and accidentally touch a strangers hand I pretend it never happened -Marquez, P

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get scarred shit less when some one burst though your door when it tacky

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When watching a heavy action movie and you suddenly start thinking about how much it would cost to repair the damages made in the movie.

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Wasting a whole bunch of time trying to find how to make one and realizing it was at the top and that you forgot what you were going to put in the first place.

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When I'm crying i look in the mirror to see what i look like while I'm crying

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Whenever I go to a new place, I look around and carefully plan my escape route in case of zombies.

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Whenever I switch sides on my bed, I feel like when I turn around some scary clown face is going to be RIGHT THERE in my face

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A stranger makes me mad. Spend all day thinking about badass things that I should have done/said.

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I ejaculate fire and glory

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When I hear the doorbell ringing and I'm not expecting anyone, I turn off the tv/music and try not to make any sound, so they think there's no one home.

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Sometimes I just space out for a period of time and completely forget that I'm breathing. Then when I snap out of it, I kind of breathe deeply because I thought I forgot to breathe.

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Wonder what I would have said to my dad if I knew he was going to die

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Get distracted during fap dreams and thinking of your mom and then going OMG GROSS OH GOD IM A PERV!!

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You laugh to yourself when you think you are alone in a street but then you notice somebody in a car looking at you.

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cut corners when walking not because it's faster, but because it's more efficient

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Opens new book to random page. Reads snippet. Smiles to myself when I reach it 1 week later. -epsin

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When Im bored in a house that has leafy/floral wallpaper I follow the stem with my finger all the way up to the top of the wall and then go back down again and think of a route that gets you all the way to the other side of the wall.

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Wally,you mean Obamney is the only choice?

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Listening to music---You HAVE to grind you teeth along with the song.

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Tape your dick to your leg to fit into tight pants

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Leave the television on in my room when I go to bed, so I have some light and I can't hear all the creepy sounds that houses make.

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When I fart I immediately go 'Eww. Who farted? That's gross'. And I blame it on someone else, always works :)

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Whatever situation I am in, I always start to invent rhythms with everything i have around, e.g. my legs, voice, tables or sometimes even the ground.

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Sometimes I see on the clock, the seconds needle go back 1 second and then never do that again for the rest of the day/week or whenever I'm staring at the clock for it to happen again. -Mike

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.