imagine a bunch of girls are watching you at home, so you don't look like a dumbass

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when i listen to music in my earphones, i always pretend its me performing the song to an audience.

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Force a piss out really hard because you're in a rush.

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I don't cut a conversation on the phone short just because I have to use the "facilities". I've mastered the art of being as far away from the toilet while flushing and sprinting out of the bathroom.

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When drunk, I often grab something, lift it into the air, and yell "I GOT THE POWER!" just in case it turns me into He-Man.

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I like to swallow great ammounts of water just to make the loud "clunk" sound in my throat.

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Meet a really cool girl imagine the rest of my life with her.

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When I have an argument with someone and they're correcting my grammar over a word that I obviously made up but they're grammar/slash spelling skills suck I want to end them.

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When i want to write a joke on anti jokes.com i laugh at my friends instead!

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Fantasizing about your friends in like 25 years telling there teenage kids about growing up and being friends with you. When you are a huge rich and famous star.

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Totally piss myself off by thinking of future confrontations that probably won't happen.

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When does eating pop corn, take apart the bag and lick all the extra butter.

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look at old toys from when you were a kid and remember how they taste.

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Scared to flush the tolite at friends houses in fear that i will wake someone up of break the tolite.

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While going to sleep, you turn the pillow downside-up several times to find a cooler surface.

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When I use deodorant, I flap my arms like a chicken a couple of times to get some air moving under there...

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When I remember something embarrassing I did or even something someone else did, I will yell random words. It started just with gasping but now I have like 5 words that I'll say randomly. It's evolved to include stressful or disturbing thoughts and not just embarrassing things. I have a pretty stressful life so I'm basically continuously making random sounds then looking around terrified that someone's heard.

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Look at restaurant signs and realize the font isnt as fancy as you once thought

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Scratch my ass/armpit and HAVE to smell it.

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Only I CAN TYPE FUCKlNG FUCKlNG FUCKlNG AS MANY FUCKlNG TIMES I FUCKlNG WANT! Moral the friendly r*pist: FUCKlNG COOL!

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When I'm trying to sleep and my mind's like, "Hey, know what's a good movie? Paranormal Activity!" Then I can't sleep for an hour - Brayden Everes

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When I was a little kid and something scared me (i.e. feel like being watched when I walked through the forest in the dark) I began to sing... and then I felt somehow protected. Weird, isn`t it?

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Bathroom occupied, piss in the kitchen sink.

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I find it really hard to not respond a insulting youtube comment with a hopefully even bigger insult.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.