when I'm lying in bed and I really have to fart, I lift up the blanket, stick my ass out and fart into the night air to keep the stench out of my bed

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Put toilet paper on the seat in my own house.

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hate Justin Bieber

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Force a piss out really hard because you're in a rush.

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Cross the street or go some other way to avoid the awkward moment of long lasting side by side walking (a move known as the 'overtake') when walking right behind someone who is slightly slower than you.

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i don't have read and agree to the Terms of Service - View Terms of Service

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Have to catch my significant other when they lie, not because I really care but to prove I'm smarter

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When a room is dark and the light is really far away, I close my eyes to feel my way to the lamp.

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Looking up 'How to tell if your crush likes you' to get assurance that he/she loves you

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Secretly think that Flo from the Progressive commercials is bangable.

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Sometimes I look at people and think, "They poop."

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I like eating chicken clubs with my hands and dip them in ketchup while pretending I am a caveman

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I rub the ends of my hair because it feels awesome.

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choose which piece of cereal in the cereal bowl i should eat last.

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I like to eat grilled cheese with ketchup

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Get excited when the clock reads 12:34. especially when its a digital that can also read 12:34.56.

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Think of a song, tv show, or movie for a brief moment. Hear/see it the next day.

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Write a post and then find that someone else has already said it, but in a different way...wtf I'm really annoyed. And they have more likes too.

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I like to swallow great ammounts of water just to make the loud "clunk" sound in my throat.

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When I have an argument with someone and they're correcting my grammar over a word that I obviously made up but they're grammar/slash spelling skills suck I want to end them.

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Watching movies about couples with age gaps and woundering how it would feel like to be with somebody much older (or younger) than you. Would they use viagra or would you not even try to have sex with someone so old and delicate?

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When I'm alone, I just randomly say "I know you're there so I would look awesome if someone was actually there.

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You come across a movie on network television, you own it, you can see the DVD on the shelf, it would take you less then 30 seconds to put the DVD on, instead you watch it on that station, commercials and all.

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reading thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com at the office when you're supposed to be working then checking that the guy next to you doesn't notice. and quickly clicking a different tab when someone is walking or standing nearby.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.