Made after doomsday plans

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Ladies ; wear the thin underwear with the really skinny jeans & pants , & save the thick underwear for the baggy jeans & sweatpants ..

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When I'm eating ice cream in a bowl I stir it until it becomes like ice cream soup.

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you look at someone and they look toward you and you look away quickly then you look back to see if they are still looking.

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Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'horse-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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Sometimes I forget that there are spiders in my bedroom, so after I've seen one I can't sleep for several days for fear that they'll eat me if I do. Then I forget about them again and thus the cycle starts.

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toilet:a place for reading and going on fb shower:place for singing school:place for sleeping and fuck others.internet:place for shitting brixs.

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I shove food in my face like an animal when I'm home alone instead of eating like a normal person.

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when someone asks you to not listen to they conversation and your listening to music at the same time, in the same room and when they have that conversation, you pretend to listen to your music.

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Try to stop a stopwatch exactly on 1 second with no extra milliseconds

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setting your alarm early so that when you wake up you see you still have time to sleep and you're like YES!!!

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Watch 30 seconds of a commercial break only to realize it's dvr'd and I could be fast forwarding it.

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I randomly highlight stuff when I'm reading something, only to click outside of the text so I can actually read it.

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When im in a room alone on the computer i like to put on songs and lip sync to them in the mirror with really emotional expressions..

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After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

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"Turn the tv volume with my feet" "Take a wood stick and think it's a sword"

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Feel all cool and look suspiciously at everybody else while leaving the theater after a good dramatic movie.

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Sit on the loo and think about life because I can't be bothered to get up

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When you drop something and then drop it again as soon as you start picking it up

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When I woke up this morning I was asleep.

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Thinking about what is nothing and other deep shit when trying to fall asleep.

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I aphabeticalize my shoes

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Look at just about ANYTHING you see in the context of a zombie apocalypse. Example: strategizing escape routes and barricade points while you're walking down the hallway in school, or looking at something ordinary, like a baseball bat, and thinking, 'I could bash some zombie brains with that'

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.