Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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Never write LOL on a text message, because you don't want to sound too extreme

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go though and like the posts with only one like so the person who wrote it doesn't feel alone.

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Sometimes I stop typing in the middle of a sen

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when my mum buys way too much of something I imagine were one of those 'doomsday preppers' families, with mounds of supplies in our basement.

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Get a mini heart attack when your rocking on your chair and you nearly fall off

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I replace every word of a song with the name of my pet

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I kick my shoes off, sending them flying to various parts of the room. I then pick them up and place them neatly beside each other

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I wonder do females have morning wood equivalent?

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I always have excellent manners when eating around others, but when I'm alone I eat like a pig and have no manners.

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When you are looking over someones shoulder and they look at you thinking you are staring at them so you suddenly turn your head

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I have memorized most commercials and recite them when they come on the tv.

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Every time I walk up the stairs in my own house, I feel compelled to do it on all fours.

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Think that when you're reading something or watching tv some people somewhere are knowing what your watching or whether or not you understand what you just read so you don't wanna reread it to risk looking stupid.

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Read shampoo bottle when no magazine in bathroom.

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fall asleep in the shower.

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When in bed, I fold a small section of the covers in my hand to make a point and poke my fingers with it.

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I sometimes try to summon things with the force of my thoughts...I would be so useful...but no way, nothing ever moves.

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Seriously I am tired but, I read the fucking solvemedia stating "forget this", then I stood there for a moment having just forgot what I was supposed to type. "Was I not supposed to forget what I just read?" Nero: BRAINWASHING! FORGET THIS AND LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MOTHER! IM LEUTANANT BANGUS YOUR MUTHERUS YOU IDIOT!

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I aphabeticalize my shoes

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realize you are saying your thoughts outloud.

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Your mom. Just kidding everyone does her.

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When im in a public toilet, i try not to make any sounds when taking a crap, not even a fart, so that when i come out no one will think i was taking a crap.

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Act as if you don't notice her, but you really are dying to take another look at her.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.