if im somewhere and say i get a itchy ass,i would say to a friend whilst sctatching " i have the itchyist but whole in the world right now" jokingly. but then think to myself, i wonder if there is someone in the world right now at the same time as me who has actually got a itchyer butt lol

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'horse-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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I eat one way in public and another way in private.

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I shove food in my face like an animal when I'm home alone instead of eating like a normal person.

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When I'm cooking, I mumble everything I'm doing under my breath like I'm in a cooking show and I'm talking to the audience.

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Fart after someone else farts sop that no one will know you did too.

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I suck my shirt without realizing im doing it until people tell me.

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I sometimes want to eat spaghetti with my hands, but for whatever reason have never done it...

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stop the microwave when I hear the food popping

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I make a conversation with myself when looking at mirrors !

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When I am walking at night, I see a slight shadow behind me for a second, I walk faster, I see the shadow again, I think it is some kind of scary monster and then I decide to run for my life. When I get back home, I realize the shadow is my shadow.

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whenever i'm talking about someone, i constantly check my phone to make sure i haven't butt-dialed them and they're listening to everything i'm saying about them!

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When watching the news and see all those children and other innocent people die at wars, in my mind I shout at God and ask him why he doesn't give me the sign and my powers to save the world. J.C.

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I sit in a chair upside down and pretend like i'm walking on the ceiling.

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"????????? ???? ?????! ??? ?? ???????? UH1 HUEY!!! ??? ?? ???????? ??????? ??????????? ?????, ????????? ?? ??????? ? ??????????????? ???????!!! ?????? ????, ???????????????? ?? ???????, ?? ?????? ??????? ?? ????! ???? ???????????? ???????, ????? ??????? ???? ??? ?????????, ? ??????????? ?????, ??? ????????? ??????? ??????????? ?????!!! ? ??? ?? ????? ???? ??????? ??????????? ??????????. ???????? ????????,???? ????, ??? ??????? ?????? ??? ????? ??? ????? ???? ? ??????. "

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Think that when you're reading something or watching tv some people somewhere are knowing what your watching or whether or not you understand what you just read so you don't wanna reread it to risk looking stupid.

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I aphabeticalize my shoes

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Smelling your armpits to see if you smell and then disguising at as yawn/stretch

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toilet:a place for reading and going on fb shower:place for singing school:place for sleeping and fuck others.internet:place for shitting brixs.

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I sometimes watch entire movies with the sound off and a good album playing.

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Write a post and then find that someone else has already said it, but in a different way...wtf I'm really annoyed. And they have more likes too.

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Liking your own posts to make it seem like at least 1 person likes you. thinking that maybe someone will be slightly compelled to like it because someone already did.

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After watching a video of someone doing something tiring, I always feel tired in whichever body part they were using in the video

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I often think I have the greastest taste in everything

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.