- Things You Think Only You Do

I want to suck on your penis

Look at the clock to realize that it seems like the "second" hand is taking longer on the number its on right when you look at it, and/or you looked at the clock at the absolute perfect time. And it happens frequently..

realize you are saying your thoughts outloud.

When boarding the escalator, I select a specific step before getting on causing a slight queue.

Go to the kitchen to eat, forget what I'm doing, go back to whatever I was doing, and realizing that I'm hungry.

I kick my shoes off, sending them flying to various parts of the room. I then pick them up and place them neatly beside each other

wonder if the strange thing you're doing right now will pop up on this website

There's this reassuring voice in my head. She's almost like a mother, telling me that it'll be alright and that I have things to do.

turning up the volume in your car when theres a car next to you blasting a terrible song.

Play poly-rhythmic drum beats along with my turn signal on my car.

you look at someone and they look toward you and you look away quickly then you look back to see if they are still looking.

Will use delayed foot-to-ass insults on verbal bullies. You know, the kind that goes off in the persons head days or weeks after they thought they won an argument with me.

While making yourself something to eat that takes more than 5 minuets to make. Pretending that you have your own show on a cooking station and talk like your talking to the audience the whole time.

whenever you walk into the bathroom with your phone/laptop/electronic device you stay sitting on the toilet even though you are done because you are so engaged with whatever you are doing

Sometimes I walk around my house with my eyes closed and pretend I'm blind.

I fill my bathtub up with marinara and then sit curled up in it and pretend that I am a meatball.

I forget I turned the toaster on and jump when it goes off.

I cannot f***ing believe how many of these i do... and now i feel out of place

I sit in my sink and pretend that I am water.

I peel tiny strings off of cheese sticks because it's more fun and tastes better.

Think that everything you do is life is being recorded by secret cameras and you're on a reality show. But you don't actually know. The Truman Show. -Robert

I always have excellent manners when eating around others, but when I'm alone I eat like a pig and have no manners.

Feel all cool and look suspiciously at everybody else while leaving the theater after a good dramatic movie.

Think of something really hilarious to put on the internet, read the rest of a post, and then forget what you were going to write.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.