if im somewhere and say i get a itchy ass,i would say to a friend whilst sctatching " i have the itchyist but whole in the world right now" jokingly. but then think to myself, i wonder if there is someone in the world right now at the same time as me who has actually got a itchyer butt lol

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'horse-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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While walking past someone thats wearing sunglasses you stare at them and wonder if there staring a t you aswell

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Cannot even read a word when a blonde lady sits in front of me in a library.

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Feel like you're the only one pressured into giving gum away by your friends.

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Write a post and then find that someone else has already said it, but in a different way...wtf I'm really annoyed. And they have more likes too.

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When you say something you think is funny but it turns out that it's only funny in your head so once you say it there's this moment of awkwardness and everyone else probably just forgets about it but it haunts you for the rest of your life. ~

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Look at the time but have to look again 3 seconds later because you forgot.

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Giving my dog a massage.

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I like eating chicken clubs with my hands and dip them in ketchup while pretending I am a caveman

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When I'm walking on the sidewalk, I try to count and keep a steady rate of how many times I step on each slab of concrete.

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Turn the fan and/or sink on in the bathroom to drown out the noise from masturbating.

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"????????? ???? ?????! ??? ?? ???????? UH1 HUEY!!! ??? ?? ???????? ??????? ??????????? ?????, ????????? ?? ??????? ? ??????????????? ???????!!! ?????? ????, ???????????????? ?? ???????, ?? ?????? ??????? ?? ????! ???? ???????????? ???????, ????? ??????? ???? ??? ?????????, ? ??????????? ?????, ??? ????????? ??????? ??????????? ?????!!! ? ??? ?? ????? ???? ??????? ??????????? ??????????. ???????? ????????,???? ????, ??? ??????? ?????? ??? ????? ??? ????? ???? ? ??????. "

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When ever my boyfriend doesn't reply to a text for a few hours I always imagine a worse case scenario and end up crying hystaricaly.

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when I'm lying in bed and I really have to fart, I lift up the blanket, stick my ass out and fart into the night air to keep the stench out of my bed

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Read and laugh at about any top comment here... because it happens to me too.

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I wonder sometimes if I've ever met my future self.

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Sometimes when I'm sitting next to someone I start thinking stuff about him/her, making fun of their clothes in my mind or something. Then I have a feeling that maybe that person can read thoughts and immediately start thinking about something else, and avoid eye contact until one of use leaves

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Fart after someone else farts sop that no one will know you did too.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftcodes.info <

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Sometimes, after I say "bye" to a person on facebook, I wait a few seconds before I log off so that it seems like I said "bye" to other people too. Because I'm just that popular.

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Vote up your own websites posts, to make them look more popular!

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reading thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com at the office when you're supposed to be working then checking that the guy next to you doesn't notice. and quickly clicking a different tab when someone is walking or standing nearby.

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Try to flip the dice at the casino to my number with my mind

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.