Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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when I'm lying in bed and I really have to fart, I lift up the blanket, stick my ass out and fart into the night air to keep the stench out of my bed

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when i was i kid i use to do the balloon trick where you rubit on your head then when there is enough put it on a wooden floor and while it's followin me i put my hands out and pretended that i was controlling it

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If I'm walking across a road and a car stops to allow me to pass, I say 'Thank you' even though I know full well they cannot hear me.

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I look really handsome in my mirror, only to find myself looking weird in other mirrors, and like a total retard at photographies.

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Do an epic air drum solo while listening to Phil Colins "In The Air Tonight"

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going to bed at 10:30 pm realize i have to check Facebook go to YouTube randomly watch 2 hours of nothing, then find my self pulling an all nighter cause its 4 am and i got school.

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I feel that getting a 98 on a test is better than getting a 99.

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after switching lights..i go run as hard as i could do after reaching the bed

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You come across a movie on network television, you own it, you can see the DVD on the shelf, it would take you less then 30 seconds to put the DVD on, instead you watch it on that station, commercials and all.

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When I am surfing the web and i go to another website i see an ad that was about something i just viewed from previous website I wonder if a little man is inside my pc keeping catalog of every website that i visit.

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While going to sleep, you turn the pillow downside-up several times to find a cooler surface.

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I combine every item on my plate in all the possible ways, then i eat the worst part of the meal and save the best part til last.

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While in the "try on" rooms of a clothing store, check myself out in the massive, wall mirror that's in there... and/or get nervous that someone is watching me.

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Think about the things you could do with you had the power to stop the time.

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I sit on the toilet and pretend to tell someone about how awesome my life is when it isn't.

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In the summer when it's hot, I bring a fan into the bathroom when I take a crap.

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Randomly agree for the Terms of Service for just about everything on the internet. Then becoming very frightened at the thought that you have violated them in some way.

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When you buy a car you then see that make/model everywhere.

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Turns the bathroom sink water on so no one hears you pee nikki

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Purposely scuff a shoe on pavement after the other scuffs by accident. Feel you scuffed this foot a little too much and so re-scuff the first to balance things out.

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when I have an itch on my hand I scratch it with my stubble

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Thinking of something but got distracted for a few seconds. After that, I forgot what was I thinking about.

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When you're having a discussion or an argument with someone and you are about to say something important then you completely forget what you were going to say.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.