When I do something stupid and people are around I hope that nobody saw me and I never tell anyone what I did. But if i do something stupid and I am alone I feel I have to tell somebody.

read some comments here and wonder if people really do that

When something says "I have read and agree to the terms of service" I quickly skim through it nd act like I read it.

Coughing really loud to cover up the sound of your fart, then shitting your pants.

I like wet humping better than f*cking. but sometimes it slips in anyway, and it's that's pretty enjoyable too. and mt girlfriend is cool with. ... so it's actualy pretty whatevs either way. but wet humping is my jam.

See a news article that looks interesting, too lazy to read the whole thing. Skim.

I think source beggars are lazy pest that should be groin kicked

When something weird happens I nod in agreement.

Realizes there is less toilet paper than first thought. Hobbles across bathroom to find more. Failure. Take shower.

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that movie-like moment when you want to rush out to dance in the rain

Put toilet paper on the seat in my own house.

When boarding the escalator, I select a specific step before getting on causing a slight queue.

Check behind the shower curtain for a killer.

do math problems in my head while having sex to keep from coming

When I'm in a public place with a lot of people, I sometimes imagine myself being an epic hero saving everyone there from a monster or some sort of bad guy.

Refreshing captcha codes for five minutes straight until you find reasonably legible letters.

When light goes off and cant see digital clock numbers when you are trying to sleep/wake up, i scream and get terrified because i think i got blind

Sometimes I stop typing in the middle of a sen

I split my gum in half so I can chew on both sides.

When on a sidewalk I always try to make my last step on the block with my left foot.

When I'm alone I occasionally like to give a little hump to the air. Not for sexual reasons or anything, just because it feels right.

When I use deodorant, I flap my arms like a chicken a couple of times to get some air moving under there...

Cuss my ass off in the morning - jd

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.