I have to put the radio volume in multiples of three and my daughter has to put it in multiples of five so when we are together it either has to be on 15 or 30.

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when you kill a bug you act like a god and yell something before you kill it

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While going to sleep, you turn the pillow downside-up several times to find a cooler surface.

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Think about what to say to the person you like and never actually say it .

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Having sudden realizations that you are a person who exists.

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I have memorized most commercials and recite them when they come on the tv.

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Naming every pet you've ever owned Peter Jankins

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Remember some homework I have to do... On the day that it's due.

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I brush my teeth in the shower and use the shower for a waterpik.

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fist myself to the point of unconsciousness whilst masturbating to the speeches of Hitler

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Look to the right, and see nothing. Look to the left, and see nothing. Look to the right again, and see the chick from the ring (or some scary shit) standing there.

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Whenever I send or receive texts, I always make it a point to have more received texts than sent ones. It makes me feel popular.

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Sometimes when walking, accidently fart and then try to squeak my to sound like my shoes squeaked instead of me farting.

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Shutting the fridge door slowly just to see the light shut off.

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I like wet humping better than f*cking. but sometimes it slips in anyway, and it's that's pretty enjoyable too. and mt girlfriend is cool with. ... so it's actualy pretty whatevs either way. but wet humping is my jam.

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in silences, freak, thinking someone can read your mind and tell them off in your head

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Sometimes when I'm all alone, I like to rub vasceline on myself and pretend I'm a slug.

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When I'm watching something or playing something and the character goes underwater, I hold my breath until the character reaches the surface. This is weird as hell, does anyone else do this?

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get annoyed when people talk on the phone really loudly in front of the TV, forcing you to mute your show, resulting in you missing half of what the people are saying.

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imagine killing someone by accident and feeling really guilty about it.

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do math problems in my head while having sex to keep from coming

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turn the colour down on your tv and pretend what you are watching is an old movie

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Try to stop a stopwatch exactly on 1 second with no extra milliseconds

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Admit, that most of your saved files on you´re computer have titles like: sdfdshleh / sjjs87 / sjflekeh

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.