think that your whole life is just a dream and that you're going to wake up someday

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Convince yourself that all of your friends are partying together without you when they dont respond to your text messages.

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Take everything out of the fridge, and climb in it, and pretend your in a time capsule.

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I have memorized most commercials and recite them when they come on the tv.

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i feel relived after i prick and see that hard-white thinggy that oozes outside my annoying acne.

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I brush my teeth in the shower and use the shower for a waterpik.

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When I do something stupid and people are around I hope that nobody saw me and I never tell anyone what I did. But if i do something stupid and I am alone I feel I have to tell somebody.

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read some comments here and wonder if people really do that

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When something says "I have read and agree to the terms of service" I quickly skim through it nd act like I read it.

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Thinking you could bump into someone by the corner of a building (or a wall)

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Coughing really loud to cover up the sound of your fart, then shitting your pants.

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I like wet humping better than f*cking. but sometimes it slips in anyway, and it's that's pretty enjoyable too. and mt girlfriend is cool with. ... so it's actualy pretty whatevs either way. but wet humping is my jam.

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See a news article that looks interesting, too lazy to read the whole thing. Skim.

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I think source beggars are lazy pest that should be groin kicked

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When something weird happens I nod in agreement.

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Realizes there is less toilet paper than first thought. Hobbles across bathroom to find more. Failure. Take shower.

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you collect best whatsapp status for your whatsapp and facebook at techcloud7.org

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Put toilet paper on the seat in my own house.

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get annoyed when people talk on the phone really loudly in front of the TV, forcing you to mute your show, resulting in you missing half of what the people are saying.

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When boarding the escalator, I select a specific step before getting on causing a slight queue.

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Check behind the shower curtain for a killer.

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do math problems in my head while having sex to keep from coming

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Keep trying to defend your point even after you've realized you're wrong in an argument

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Refreshing captcha codes for five minutes straight until you find reasonably legible letters.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.