fist myself to the point of unconsciousness whilst masturbating to the speeches of Hitler

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Look to the right, and see nothing. Look to the left, and see nothing. Look to the right again, and see the chick from the ring (or some scary shit) standing there.

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Here's a fun game I play if I wake up in the middle of the night: I look over at the alarm clock and see what numbers are displayed. Then I shut my eyes tightly and wait a few seconds before opening them again. If I open my eyes and see that the numbers on the alarm clock have changed, I win. If I open my eyes and they didn't, I lose.

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Whenever I see a girl, I always do the math for how good they would be for banging

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Whenever I send or receive texts, I always make it a point to have more received texts than sent ones. It makes me feel popular.

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Sometimes when walking, accidently fart and then try to squeak my to sound like my shoes squeaked instead of me farting.

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Shutting the fridge door slowly just to see the light shut off.

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Thinking you could bump into someone by the corner of a building (or a wall)

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Judge a stranger in your mind (God, they're ugly/fat etc.) then wonder if they heard you thinking it.

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See a news article that looks interesting, too lazy to read the whole thing. Skim.

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When I notice that I have just breathed in/out, for the next minute or so I feel like I have to make a conscious effort to keep breathing.

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Whenever there is a volume button on something i have to make sure its on a number 5 ie: 0,5,10,15

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get annoyed when people talk on the phone really loudly in front of the TV, forcing you to mute your show, resulting in you missing half of what the people are saying.

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do math problems in my head while having sex to keep from coming

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turn the colour down on your tv and pretend what you are watching is an old movie

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Talk to my cat.

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sometimes i wonder how it would be to think in another language and i try but cant

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I always think I have special powers

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When listening to music on computer make sure your singing the words and act cool just incase the singer of that song and some other people you admire are watching you threw your webcam.

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I hate other people's mirrors, they make me look different

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Stepping on people's feet when I approach to kiss/hug/say hi to them.

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Pee in the garbage at night when I don't want to wake the whole house up.

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i would air drum even if theres no music playing

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I fantasize about my idol as I try to fall sleep at night. He's Michael Jackson.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.