Whenever I send or receive texts, I always make it a point to have more received texts than sent ones. It makes me feel popular.

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When I'm in the shower, I talk to myself, usually about my plans for video game procedures.

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I eat ass

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'whores-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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Buy tons of movies and only watch them once. Rarely buy books and reread them a million times.

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When i see people even strangers , in my mind i wonder if there virgins or not .

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When walking on stairs, always counting how many of them there are.

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I flick my boogers on the carpet knowing that I can just vacuum them up later.

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when you mouth words (but saying them out loud) when someone can't hear you

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I'm so used to pooping with my phone that everytime I forget it I take less than 5 minutes, versus the usual 26.

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When you fart in class but try to cover it up by moving around so other people think it was just the chair squeaking.

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wonder if anyone is on at 12 A.M. log on to a social network and realize that theres a lot of people on

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Assume that on another planet or galaxy there are people just like humans that look exactly like me. Like an alternate universe.

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Wonder if life is just a dream then get a creepy feeling and immediately think happier thoughts.

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I type a comment here and secretly feel special

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Start thinking about how your walking, and then worry that you may lose control of your legs and fall.

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Talk to my cat.

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Make hand gestures when talking on phone

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sometimes when i fart i feel like i pooped a little in my underwear but tell myself ''no i didn't'' but feel poopy until i check.

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stare at someones face until they distort and then wonder why they are asking me why I'm smiling.

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When on a sidewalk I always try to make my last step on the block with my left foot.

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If two cars towing boats were to crash into each other, Would that make it a boating accident?

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The ability to go one hour back in time by concentrating really hard for two hours.

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sneeze without closing my eyes

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.