I'm so used to pooping with my phone that everytime I forget it I take less than 5 minutes, versus the usual 26.

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wonder if anyone is on at 12 A.M. log on to a social network and realize that theres a lot of people on

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Wonder if life is just a dream then get a creepy feeling and immediately think happier thoughts.

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Talk to my cat.

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I make a mental note NOT to buy the product or service if I feel they are trying to brainwash me with their ads.

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When I'm in the shower I condition my pubes so they get nice and soft.

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draw pictures on the mirror from the shower steam

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When on a sidewalk I always try to make my last step on the block with my left foot.

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If two cars towing boats were to crash into each other, Would that make it a boating accident?

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Hearing a noise and turning around to see if theres a monster in the room, and when you see nothing you think "hmm, he hides everytime I turn my head around." and then for the next minute you try to suddenly look back to see if you can catch it off guard.

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The ability to go one hour back in time by concentrating really hard for two hours.

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when my mum buys way too much of something I imagine were one of those 'doomsday preppers' families, with mounds of supplies in our basement.

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sneeze without closing my eyes

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Wish that Mexicans would go to their OWN country and stop living tax free in OURS.

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Stop at traffic lights thinking it will close soon, when actually remains only 5s to close second and u run like crazy.

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think that your whole life is just a dream and that you're going to wake up someday

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I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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Feeling like no one really "knows" me, but only what they already see/know. Most things about me my family don't know about.

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Time a song on my MP3 player to be the soundtrack to something I'm about to do, especially in public places.

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Not buying a product you might have otherwise been interested in simply because you think their TV ad is stupid.

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Put toilet paper in the toilet before I'm going to take a shit, so that the toilet won't get dirty.

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repeat what you just said 2 seconds ago in a group conversation thinking no one heard you

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fist myself to the point of unconsciousness whilst masturbating to the speeches of Hitler

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Here's a fun game I play if I wake up in the middle of the night: I look over at the alarm clock and see what numbers are displayed. Then I shut my eyes tightly and wait a few seconds before opening them again. If I open my eyes and see that the numbers on the alarm clock have changed, I win. If I open my eyes and they didn't, I lose.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.