When something says "I have read and agree to the terms of service" I quickly skim through it nd act like I read it.

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I like wet humping better than f*cking. but sometimes it slips in anyway, and it's that's pretty enjoyable too. and mt girlfriend is cool with. ... so it's actualy pretty whatevs either way. but wet humping is my jam.

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Whenever I fart, I always smell it. But when other people fart, I don't want to smell it.

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While making yourself something to eat that takes more than 5 minuets to make. Pretending that you have your own show on a cooking station and talk like your talking to the audience the whole time.

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open the fridge A eat food B think

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While in the shower, after ive used soap and stuff i turn the water to cold and i pretend im on fear factor and close my eyes so i cannot see what i am trying to get while crawling through freezing cold water

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Talk to my cat.

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Pretend to be texting to look popular in public

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When listening to music on computer make sure your singing the words and act cool just incase the singer of that song and some other people you admire are watching you threw your webcam.

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Admit, that most of your saved files on you´re computer have titles like: sdfdshleh / sjjs87 / sjflekeh

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When light goes off and cant see digital clock numbers when you are trying to sleep/wake up, i scream and get terrified because i think i got blind

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When on a sidewalk I always try to make my last step on the block with my left foot.

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When I use deodorant, I flap my arms like a chicken a couple of times to get some air moving under there...

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I fantasize about my idol as I try to fall sleep at night. He's Michael Jackson.

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think that your whole life is just a dream and that you're going to wake up someday

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Try to see nipples through body paint.

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Having sudden realizations that you are a person who exists.

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Spell Checktells me I spelt something wrong even though I am certain it's right.

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Naming every pet you've ever owned Peter Jankins

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Look to the right, and see nothing. Look to the left, and see nothing. Look to the right again, and see the chick from the ring (or some scary shit) standing there.

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fist myself to the point of unconsciousness whilst masturbating to the speeches of Hitler

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Looking outside the window and imagining a huge explosion destroy everything and then u surviving and trying to find a way to survive

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Look at pictures of people who lived a long time ago and wonder how they lived without television and the Internet.

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I violate and then kill people, all ages and kinds... ..:But everyone does that right? I mean... Lol, I just type that because I am insecure now, and I kill when I am insecure... ...Excuse me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.