imagine shooting lasers out from the car and bouncing them of walls and back to the car

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Try to give my download speed moral support: "You can do it! YES, just stay there!" For anyone out there struggling with slow internet.. I feel your pain

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In a meeting at work, you imagine throwing coffee into your boss's face, just to see what he would do.

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get annoyed when people talk on the phone really loudly in front of the TV, forcing you to mute your show, resulting in you missing half of what the people are saying.

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Whenever I cross the road with someone I try to walk faster then them just in case a car comes it won't drive me over.

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When playing Sims, i spend more time building my house, than playing the game itself.

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Telling yourself that starting tomorrow you will start to exercise and eat better, but never doing it.

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I always write b as d or d as b since I've learned the alphabet, and i hate my keyboarb cuz its on lower case every time.

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I know it is pointless but still hope to get THUMBS UP

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I save my files as "askjaskjaks" because I'm too lazy to give them a proper name.

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interview yourself over some amazing accomplishment you achieved like becoming the youngest emmy winner and pretending you're really humble.

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Spell Checktells me I spelt something wrong even though I am certain it's right.

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Sittig on a table donating sperm to my friend gabe

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act like a giant/dinosaur while eating broccoli xD

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When I was little and I saw disney's hercules I had no idea why Meg was working for Hades

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Whenever I see a girl, I always do the math for how good they would be for banging

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you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

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I eat ass

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'whores-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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When I'm in the shower, I'm afraid something might try to kill me so I shower with my glasses on.

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I think source beggars are lazy pest that should be groin kicked

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I brush my teeth with the tap on because it sounds weird brushing in silence.

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i want to FAWK the SHYT out of that girl

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Check behind the shower curtain for a killer.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.