Sittig on a table donating sperm to my friend gabe

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Vote for the other guy

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read some comments here and wonder if people really do that

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Use é instead of e to spell Pokémon

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Shutting the fridge door slowly just to see the light shut off.

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trip over nothing. break into spontaneous dancing.

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Stepping on a LEGO block and instantly screaming and leap onto the bed.

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I always get paranoid when I go to take a shit because I leave the computer on and somebody comes in the room where the computer is.

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Rinse off salted nuts before eating them

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i want to FAWK the SHYT out of that girl

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text somebody something and if they don't reply quickly, resend that same text.

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Watching movies about couples with age gaps and woundering how it would feel like to be with somebody much older (or younger) than you. Would they use viagra or would you not even try to have sex with someone so old and delicate?

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I don't like Winter. Because I'm scared that when we use the heater, our house will catch on fire.

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I'm so used to pooping with my phone that everytime I forget it I take less than 5 minutes, versus the usual 26.

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When you fart in class but try to cover it up by moving around so other people think it was just the chair squeaking.

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In elementary school whenever it was supposed to be mental math I never did it mentally.

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Keep trying to defend your point even after you've realized you're wrong in an argument

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When I see that someone else is typing while I'm texting them, I try to quickly finish what I'm typing and send it so that I won't have to change my response.

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When you are speaking to someone with a distinct accent and suddenly take on the accent as your own when responding. - Missy Chemick

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I always write b as d or d as b since I've learned the alphabet, and i hate my keyboarb cuz its on lower case every time.

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I pick at my cuticles when I'm bored.

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The girl I like has just managed to transfer her consciousness into my mind, now being to hear my every thought and see everything I do. Just. Act. Cool.

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When taking a dump in a public restroom, if someone else walks in, I wait until they leave the restroom before finishing up and leaving the stall, just to make sure they don't see who I am.

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I imagine that there are lines coming out from things and I don't step on the lines (columns, buildings, walls, corners, etc.)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.