I cannot f***ing believe how many of these i do... and now i feel out of place

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On Youtube, while reading comments notice that many people reply angrily to the same person. Wonder what they said that pissed so many people off. Try to find them in earlier posts, but fail. Live the rest of the night in depressive state.

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When I go to somewhere like France I always wittily comment to my friend " oh look at all those bloody foreigners as I have always thought they were tougher on immigrants

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Here's a fun game I play if I wake up in the middle of the night: I look over at the alarm clock and see what numbers are displayed. Then I shut my eyes tightly and wait a few seconds before opening them again. If I open my eyes and see that the numbers on the alarm clock have changed, I win. If I open my eyes and they didn't, I lose.

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when you are pooping you fart and it scares you a little bit.

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fist myself to the point of unconsciousness whilst masturbating to the speeches of Hitler

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Eat ice by itself

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Sittig on a table donating sperm to my friend gabe

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Whenever I fart, I always smell it. But when other people fart, I don't want to smell it.

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Listen to the same songs for years on end without ever knowing the lyrics because they've been the soundtracks for your daydreams.

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'whores-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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When someones talking to a group of people that I'm in and says something bad that I do but think nobody else does, I stand perfectly still and don't blink and breath as quietly as possible until the next subject arrives.

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I violate and then kill people, all ages and kinds... ..:But everyone does that right? I mean... Lol, I just type that because I am insecure now, and I kill when I am insecure... ...Excuse me.

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Realizes there is less toilet paper than first thought. Hobbles across bathroom to find more. Failure. Take shower.

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Mix up "I'm starving," "I'm freezing," and "I have to pee," in my head, and then say them out loud the wrong way, in times of extreme starving/freezing/needing-to-pee desperation.

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Think about all of the germs that are on restroom doors and water taps.

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Waste time looking all over for something and notice it is right where it should be.

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In public,try to make eye contact with most people.

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Call the ninja turtles by their full names.

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text somebody something and if they don't reply quickly, resend that same text.

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Trying to preform oral on yourself.... And failing.

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Assume that on another planet or galaxy there are people just like humans that look exactly like me. Like an alternate universe.

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get annoyed when people talk on the phone really loudly in front of the TV, forcing you to mute your show, resulting in you missing half of what the people are saying.

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Wonder if life is just a dream then get a creepy feeling and immediately think happier thoughts.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.