When I see someone who is clearly wealthy, I think to myself "I could do it better than you..."

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I have to put the radio volume in multiples of three and my daughter has to put it in multiples of five so when we are together it either has to be on 15 or 30.

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Sometimes I'll say quotes from movies or TV shows out loud to myself.

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Check the toilet paper after every wipe.

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when you kill a bug you act like a god and yell something before you kill it

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Having sudden realizations that you are a person who exists.

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Think about what to say to the person you like and never actually say it .

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Remember some homework I have to do... On the day that it's due.

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When someone is reading something I have to read it at sonic speed in my head before they get to the end and if i dont do it in time I get angry.

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Sometimes I think ''Someone somewhere in the world just got slapped'' or ''Someone just took a nasty shit''.

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Look to the right, and see nothing. Look to the left, and see nothing. Look to the right again, and see the chick from the ring (or some scary shit) standing there.

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Whenever I see a girl, I always do the math for how good they would be for banging

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Whenever I send or receive texts, I always make it a point to have more received texts than sent ones. It makes me feel popular.

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Shutting the fridge door slowly just to see the light shut off.

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Looking outside the window and imagining a huge explosion destroy everything and then u surviving and trying to find a way to survive

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Look at pictures of people who lived a long time ago and wonder how they lived without television and the Internet.

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'whores-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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Buy tons of movies and only watch them once. Rarely buy books and reread them a million times.

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Whenever I fart, I always smell it. But when other people fart, I don't want to smell it.

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when you mouth words (but saying them out loud) when someone can't hear you

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wonder if anyone is on at 12 A.M. log on to a social network and realize that theres a lot of people on

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I can't help but wonder why people write things on web sites and don't bother checking their spelling. Now they look like an idiot no matter how funny or interesting it might have been.

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I type a comment here and secretly feel special

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creating your own personal perfect partner in romance or frendship, almost like a imaginary friend (but you don't speak to them out loud)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.