Set Fire to the Rain

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'whores-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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When someones talking to a group of people that I'm in and says something bad that I do but think nobody else does, I stand perfectly still and don't blink and breath as quietly as possible until the next subject arrives.

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Mix up "I'm starving," "I'm freezing," and "I have to pee," in my head, and then say them out loud the wrong way, in times of extreme starving/freezing/needing-to-pee desperation.

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In public,try to make eye contact with most people.

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when you mouth words (but saying them out loud) when someone can't hear you

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Trying to recreate all facial expressions of people on television, even animated ones!

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Assume that on another planet or galaxy there are people just like humans that look exactly like me. Like an alternate universe.

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Wonder if I have a twin across the world and he makes all the opposite decisions.

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Talk to my cat.

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turn the colour down on your tv and pretend what you are watching is an old movie

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I make a mental note NOT to buy the product or service if I feel they are trying to brainwash me with their ads.

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You come across a movie on network television, you own it, you can see the DVD on the shelf, it would take you less then 30 seconds to put the DVD on, instead you watch it on that station, commercials and all.

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When I'm in the shower I condition my pubes so they get nice and soft.

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stare at someones face until they distort and then wonder why they are asking me why I'm smiling.

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When I tell human garbage that I am the Fallen Angel, they laugh at me, then I make them spontaneously combust. Moral: What moral whore?

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sometimes when i fart i feel like i pooped a little in my underwear but tell myself ''no i didn't'' but feel poopy until i check.

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When I see someone who is clearly wealthy, I think to myself "I could do it better than you..."

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When driving and a song come on about death I switch the station because i'm afraid its going to happen to me

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Constantly look at all clocks when the minute hand/digit reads '11'

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think that your whole life is just a dream and that you're going to wake up someday

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Try to see nipples through body paint.

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When I'm riding in the car, I'll spot a tree, make it my goal and try to beat the car on the opposite side of the road to it. (Seriously I don't think anyone else does this!)

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when you are pooping you fart and it scares you a little bit.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.