fist myself to the point of unconsciousness whilst masturbating to the speeches of Hitler

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being super bored at shool

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Set Fire to the Rain

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'whores-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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When you are in a car and a sad song comes on look out the window and pretend you are in a movie.

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Play Minecraft

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Play poly-rhythmic drum beats along with my turn signal on my car.

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try not to step on cracks on the sidewalk

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Am I not the one who created an imaginary BAE?

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Whenever there is a volume button on something i have to make sure its on a number 5 ie: 0,5,10,15

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I never read the terms and conditions but I say I have

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Trying to recreate all facial expressions of people on television, even animated ones!

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I can't help but wonder why people write things on web sites and don't bother checking their spelling. Now they look like an idiot no matter how funny or interesting it might have been.

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Assume that on another planet or galaxy there are people just like humans that look exactly like me. Like an alternate universe.

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I type a comment here and secretly feel special

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push a fart out really slow so you think nobody will hear it

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because fuck the NSA.

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Feeling guilty for something you haven't done.

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Pee in the shower

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Stick my hand all the way to the bottom of a tub of grease.

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When playing Sims, i spend more time building my house, than playing the game itself.

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When someone is talking to me and I'm not really listening, when it gets quiet I say 'that's crazy' so they think I'm listening.

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Try to stop a stopwatch exactly on 1 second with no extra milliseconds

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I sit in my sink and pretend that I am water.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.