Trying to preform oral on yourself.... And failing.

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I'm so used to pooping with my phone that everytime I forget it I take less than 5 minutes, versus the usual 26.

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Assume that on another planet or galaxy there are people just like humans that look exactly like me. Like an alternate universe.

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Stick my hand all the way to the bottom of a tub of grease.

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Thinking about different guys and how they would be in bed, then thinking im a slut for thinking it...

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I always write b as d or d as b since I've learned the alphabet, and i hate my keyboarb cuz its on lower case every time.

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when you have just ended a argument with someone and you think what else you could of said that would have been better to say

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I cannot f***ing believe how many of these i do... and now i feel out of place

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Write my own music without literally writing it on something even though I'm only grade 3

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When I go to somewhere like France I always wittily comment to my friend " oh look at all those bloody foreigners as I have always thought they were tougher on immigrants

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Say 'she's not here' when someone that I don't know calls and asks for me.

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I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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Sometimes I think ''Someone somewhere in the world just got slapped'' or ''Someone just took a nasty shit''.

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when you get a runny nose suddenly checks for blood oh good its clear

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i feel relived after i prick and see that hard-white thinggy that oozes outside my annoying acne.

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fist myself to the point of unconsciousness whilst masturbating to the speeches of Hitler

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I brush my teeth while im in the shower

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Seeing someone gettin roasted for something and then making sure you dont do the same thing.

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Set Fire to the Rain

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you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

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Whenever I fart, I always smell it. But when other people fart, I don't want to smell it.

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Not wanting to think about something but your brain thinks about it because you are trying not to think about it so much.

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Try to talk to my pet telepathically. - sky

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I violate and then kill people, all ages and kinds... ..:But everyone does that right? I mean... Lol, I just type that because I am insecure now, and I kill when I am insecure... ...Excuse me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.