Sometimes I think ''Someone somewhere in the world just got slapped'' or ''Someone just took a nasty shit''.

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I brush my teeth while im in the shower

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Whenever I see a girl, I always do the math for how good they would be for banging

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When my cat follows me, I pretend we're a pack or some sort of gang and i would be the leader.

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you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'whores-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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Not wanting to think about something but your brain thinks about it because you are trying not to think about it so much.

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something happens with a person that u were close to but then they become an asshole, u get mad, and when u stop talking feel really depressed even though u hate them

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If I am waiting on someone and they are late, I start mentally listing their faults, flaws and mistakes but feel kind of bad for doing it when they finally show up.

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try not to step on cracks on the sidewalk

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resting your head from your face to your hand and then you realize you face now looks disfigured.

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Shudder when someone bites down on icey poll or an ice cube

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Mix up "I'm starving," "I'm freezing," and "I have to pee," in my head, and then say them out loud the wrong way, in times of extreme starving/freezing/needing-to-pee desperation.

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Everytime I look at the clock it see so say 4 20 9 11 or 11 11

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Spend several minutes to write a comment on a website, only to decide not no submit it after all.

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i want to FAWK the SHYT out of that girl

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wonder if anyone is on at 12 A.M. log on to a social network and realize that theres a lot of people on

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Read this site's posts, think of something awesome to write but then forget it because you decided to read more and finish the page rather than write it immediately.

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Keep trying to defend your point even after you've realized you're wrong in an argument

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get really confused

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Give vocal commentary on the song I just played when I'm the only one in the car.

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when i'm at the computer i say out of loud what i'm typing

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I have short haircuts so I don't have messed up hair in the morning (It's a real time saver)

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At times I get the annoying habbit of counting the notes on a song on my fingers, again and again until it ends with five, if not, I keep doing it until it does so as to not leave a finger left out of the melody.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.