I'm so used to pooping with my phone that everytime I forget it I take less than 5 minutes, versus the usual 26.

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wonder if anyone is on at 12 A.M. log on to a social network and realize that theres a lot of people on

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Wonder if life is just a dream then get a creepy feeling and immediately think happier thoughts.

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Talk to my cat.

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I make a mental note NOT to buy the product or service if I feel they are trying to brainwash me with their ads.

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draw pictures on the mirror from the shower steam

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When I'm in the shower I condition my pubes so they get nice and soft.

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When on a sidewalk I always try to make my last step on the block with my left foot.

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If two cars towing boats were to crash into each other, Would that make it a boating accident?

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Hearing a noise and turning around to see if theres a monster in the room, and when you see nothing you think "hmm, he hides everytime I turn my head around." and then for the next minute you try to suddenly look back to see if you can catch it off guard.

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The ability to go one hour back in time by concentrating really hard for two hours.

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when my mum buys way too much of something I imagine were one of those 'doomsday preppers' families, with mounds of supplies in our basement.

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On Youtube, while reading comments notice that many people reply angrily to the same person. Wonder what they said that pissed so many people off. Try to find them in earlier posts, but fail. Live the rest of the night in depressive state.

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Wish that Mexicans would go to their OWN country and stop living tax free in OURS.

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sneeze without closing my eyes

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Stop at traffic lights thinking it will close soon, when actually remains only 5s to close second and u run like crazy.

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think that your whole life is just a dream and that you're going to wake up someday

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Feeling like no one really "knows" me, but only what they already see/know. Most things about me my family don't know about.

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I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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Time a song on my MP3 player to be the soundtrack to something I'm about to do, especially in public places.

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Not buying a product you might have otherwise been interested in simply because you think their TV ad is stupid.

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Put toilet paper in the toilet before I'm going to take a shit, so that the toilet won't get dirty.

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Here's a fun game I play if I wake up in the middle of the night: I look over at the alarm clock and see what numbers are displayed. Then I shut my eyes tightly and wait a few seconds before opening them again. If I open my eyes and see that the numbers on the alarm clock have changed, I win. If I open my eyes and they didn't, I lose.

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fist myself to the point of unconsciousness whilst masturbating to the speeches of Hitler

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.