Whenever I see a girl, I always do the math for how good they would be for banging

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Whenever I send or receive texts, I always make it a point to have more received texts than sent ones. It makes me feel popular.

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you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

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Shutting the fridge door slowly just to see the light shut off.

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Not wanting to think about something but your brain thinks about it because you are trying not to think about it so much.

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Look at pictures of people who lived a long time ago and wonder how they lived without television and the Internet.

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I eat ass

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Looking outside the window and imagining a huge explosion destroy everything and then u surviving and trying to find a way to survive

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When I'm in the shower, I talk to myself, usually about my plans for video game procedures.

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'whores-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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Whenever I fart, I always smell it. But when other people fart, I don't want to smell it.

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Saving some leftovers of your favorite food .... the next week its still there (:

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resting your head from your face to your hand and then you realize you face now looks disfigured.

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Think that when you're reading something or watching tv some people somewhere are knowing what your watching or whether or not you understand what you just read so you don't wanna reread it to risk looking stupid.

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when you mouth words (but saying them out loud) when someone can't hear you

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wonder if anyone is on at 12 A.M. log on to a social network and realize that theres a lot of people on

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I can't help but wonder why people write things on web sites and don't bother checking their spelling. Now they look like an idiot no matter how funny or interesting it might have been.

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pick leaves of bushes while im walking and rip them up into small pieces

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I type a comment here and secretly feel special

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because fuck the NSA.

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creating your own personal perfect partner in romance or frendship, almost like a imaginary friend (but you don't speak to them out loud)

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Start thinking about how your walking, and then worry that you may lose control of your legs and fall.

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Give vocal commentary on the song I just played when I'm the only one in the car.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.