Look at just about ANYTHING you see in the context of a zombie apocalypse. Example: strategizing escape routes and barricade points while you're walking down the hallway in school, or looking at something ordinary, like a baseball bat, and thinking, 'I could bash some zombie brains with that'

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when you are pooping you fart and it scares you a little bit.

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wish you looked like either Kellan Lutz or Bradley Cooper! I wish magic existed now.

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When you can feel yourself blushing so you pretend to be preoccupied with something else.

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Shutting the fridge door slowly just to see the light shut off.

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Not wanting to think about something but your brain thinks about it because you are trying not to think about it so much.

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Try to talk to my pet telepathically. - sky

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I think source beggars are lazy pest that should be groin kicked

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Rinse off salted nuts before eating them

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i want to FAWK the SHYT out of that girl

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text somebody something and if they don't reply quickly, resend that same text.

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When I make croissants from the Pillsbury can, I'll take one of the little triangles and eat it, because I like the consistency of dough, and i like the fizzy feeling of the yeast on my tongue.

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In elementary school whenever it was supposed to be mental math I never did it mentally.

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I often force my mind to think that i'm slowing down time at will just to feel awesome (like when walking down the street i try to make the all cars slow down).

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If two cars towing boats were to crash into each other, Would that make it a boating accident?

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interview yourself over some amazing accomplishment you achieved like becoming the youngest emmy winner and pretending you're really humble.

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On Youtube, while reading comments notice that many people reply angrily to the same person. Wonder what they said that pissed so many people off. Try to find them in earlier posts, but fail. Live the rest of the night in depressive state.

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When I see someone who is clearly wealthy, I think to myself "I could do it better than you..."

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The ability to go one hour back in time by concentrating really hard for two hours.

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I have to put the radio volume in multiples of three and my daughter has to put it in multiples of five so when we are together it either has to be on 15 or 30.

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Say 'she's not here' when someone that I don't know calls and asks for me.

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Try to see nipples through body paint.

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when you get a runny nose suddenly checks for blood oh good its clear

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When on long car rides through the mountains of Cali, look at a fence and pretend its a roller coaster and talk like im on it with a friend. And when the fence ends,name and rate it like it was real -Nirp

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.