When I tell human garbage that I am the Fallen Angel, they laugh at me, then I make them spontaneously combust. Moral: What moral whore?

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sometimes when i fart i feel like i pooped a little in my underwear but tell myself ''no i didn't'' but feel poopy until i check.

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When I see someone who is clearly wealthy, I think to myself "I could do it better than you..."

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When driving and a song come on about death I switch the station because i'm afraid its going to happen to me

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Constantly look at all clocks when the minute hand/digit reads '11'

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Try to see nipples through body paint.

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When I'm riding in the car, I'll spot a tree, make it my goal and try to beat the car on the opposite side of the road to it. (Seriously I don't think anyone else does this!)

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Here's a fun game I play if I wake up in the middle of the night: I look over at the alarm clock and see what numbers are displayed. Then I shut my eyes tightly and wait a few seconds before opening them again. If I open my eyes and see that the numbers on the alarm clock have changed, I win. If I open my eyes and they didn't, I lose.

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When my cat follows me, I pretend we're a pack or some sort of gang and i would be the leader.

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I am sure that no one else has the same mental slowness as me and my brother. When I say mauve he says maeve and we continue like this for hours. It is certainly an exciting way of eating up those motorway miles:)

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Shutting the fridge door slowly just to see the light shut off.

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being super bored at shool

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When I'm home alone at night, and the lights are on so you can't see anything out the windows, I will stop randomly and stare out the window to make anyone watching me think I know that they are there.

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Buy tons of movies and only watch them once. Rarely buy books and reread them a million times.

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Stepping on a LEGO block and instantly screaming and leap onto the bed.

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Play Minecraft

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When walking on stairs, always counting how many of them there are.

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While making yourself something to eat that takes more than 5 minuets to make. Pretending that you have your own show on a cooking station and talk like your talking to the audience the whole time.

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In a meeting at work, you imagine throwing coffee into your boss's face, just to see what he would do.

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I can't help but wonder why people write things on web sites and don't bother checking their spelling. Now they look like an idiot no matter how funny or interesting it might have been.

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because fuck the NSA.

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When you think thoughts, you think them in complete sentences as if you were saying them and in your accent.

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Go to someone's house and go and ask where something is and the person you ask just tells you without getting up (I know it doesn't go with the theme of this site but its just something annoying)

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Make hand gestures when talking on phone

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.