I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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when looking at a reflection of myself, i try to do it as fast as i can before the reflection does something i didnt

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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Seriously I am tired but, I read the fucking solvemedia stating "forget this", then I stood there for a moment having just forgot what I was supposed to type. "Was I not supposed to forget what I just read?" Nero: BRAINWASHING! FORGET THIS AND LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MOTHER! IM LEUTANANT BANGUS YOUR MUTHERUS YOU IDIOT!

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I sit up all night on the computer/xbox then when people ask if i have slept i just lie and say yes to avoid the drama.

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You look over the edge of a tall building/structure, and have that sudden urge to jump off.

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I feel like my blanket is an indestructible shield against any monsters that might try to get me at night. If any part of you is out of the covers, you're screwed. lol -ML

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Worry that I'm will go schizophrenic.

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When walking into a smelly bathroom, hold your breath so you don't have to breathe in the poo air.

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I meow when my cat meows.

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When i'm in the front passenger seat, I still move my foot like im the one driving...

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Poop naked.

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Has anyone else ever wondered why the women in shows and movies lie with the blanket covering them after apparently having sex with the other person.

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I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

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think about what im gonna say abillon times in my head before i say it -jesse

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think that the whole world is a dollhouse and we are being controlled by giant people above who live in a whole differnt world

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I want to trade bodies and thought processes with my crush, so we could understand each other better.

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When I am doing something that involves using one hand I feel weird because I don't know what to do with my other hand

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I pick a green crayon from crayon box but it's one of those yellow-greens that look yellow and now my clover will be half yellow forever.

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My dreams are almost always bizarre in some way - the only time they're ever normal is when they're the premonition type, and then they're about completely uneventful things but accurate down to the tiniest detail.

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Whenever I'm scared at night in my room I turn on music. Because the music will keep away people trying to get me. Obviously.

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when i talk to someone, and the one where i am talking with is saying a sentence very fast, am going to repeat the whole sentence in my head and then it sounds really weird.

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Wanting to marry Tyler Joseph but then you remember he's married :(

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Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.