whenever i'm talking about someone, i constantly check my phone to make sure i haven't butt-dialed them and they're listening to everything i'm saying about them!

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Wonder why every single kid is looking at you in a restaurant.

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sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

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i want to FAWK the SHYT out of that girl

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After a meal if I need to use a toothpick I would eat the piece of food I "picked".

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Being afraid to close your eyes when you're washing your hair in the shower because you think a murderer will be right there when you open your eyes again. That or Scared to shower when your home alone at night.

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I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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If I'm at work and have to poop, when I get in the stall I look under the opening at the bottom for any other feet in the other stalls to make sure I am alone. I always think what if when I do that someone else does it at the same time.

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I can read people's life's and figure out the truth about them with out them telling me how their life is

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When I am about to thumb up a comment here that has not happened to me, I first stop myself thinking "but that has not happened to me" then I remember I thumb up comments just because I like them and proceed to do so most of the times

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Spending the night at someone's house and waking up and thinking your at your house then realizing your not

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My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

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Sittig on a table donating sperm to my friend gabe

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I used to drive home from my girlfriend's house late at night and stop on a stretch of road to take a leak. I'd walk backwards while peeing, creating a crooked line of pee in the road. I'd add to it night after night, then I'd drive by in the day to see my long pee stain in the road only I knew about. Anyone who passed by could see it, but only I knew what it was. It would last until the next rain and I'd have to start over.

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Check the toilet paper after every wipe.

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when home alone, I sing a song like im performing it in front of a crowd of a thousand people and any object nearby usually becomes my microphone

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Every new years eve I like to watch the date on my computer change all three the day, the month, and the year

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always hurt urself and blame the object for hurting u

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When you don't have enough money for something, you just take a tiny bit of money from your siblings and parents room at a time so they don't notice any different

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Use é instead of e to spell Pokémon

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Ur mum

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suddenly get stage fright when in a public bathroom stall and break the awkward silence by pretending you just went in there to get loo paper to blow your nose.

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resting your head from your face to your hand and then you realize you face now looks disfigured.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.