when you mouth words (but saying them out loud) when someone can't hear you

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In a meeting at work, you imagine throwing coffee into your boss's face, just to see what he would do.

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At restaurants, eat my food in sections. Usually leafy greens, french fries, then steak/ whatever meat.

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push a fart out really slow so you think nobody will hear it

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Check behind the shower curtain for a killer.

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When you think thoughts, you think them in complete sentences as if you were saying them and in your accent.

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Whenever I cross the road with someone I try to walk faster then them just in case a car comes it won't drive me over.

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Getting bored when a page is loading and scrolling the wheel on your mouse back and forth one click.

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Domina Olga shows no mercy when she ride your dick

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Telling yourself that starting tomorrow you will start to exercise and eat better, but never doing it.

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When I am in class or somewhere boring I start getting thoughts of weird senerios like a group of zombies swamping the place or being hit by an earthquake etc and being one of the surivors. But then i realise that the possibility of that happening is incredibly slim and get depressed. Bananas!

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The girl I like has just managed to transfer her consciousness into my mind, now being to hear my every thought and see everything I do. Just. Act. Cool.

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Swirling your hair through your hair while something is loading.

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Stop at traffic lights thinking it will close soon, when actually remains only 5s to close second and u run like crazy.

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Take everything out of the fridge, and climb in it, and pretend your in a time capsule.

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Writing/ Typing "wemon" to represent more than 1 women, but then realizing that it's not actually a word...

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Sittig on a table donating sperm to my friend gabe

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When I check into a hotel room I think about the countless number of sex acts that has been performed in there.

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Use reverse psychology on the rain to make it slow down or speed up.

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you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

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strt thinking about something spinning, then cant stop no matter how hard you try.

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When I'm bored in school I always imagine the teacher asks me something and my response is starting to sing a song. Somewhen some of my friends sing along with me. Then the whole class sings this song. We run out of classroom into the hallways and every other pupil comes out their classroom to see what's happening. Then They all sing along with me. We run out of school and sing and dance like in a musical. Then I actually remind myself, its impossible that every student knows the lyrics of the song I'm just thinking of and get depressed again.

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think that your whole life is just a dream and that you're going to wake up someday

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.