When I go to somewhere like France I always wittily comment to my friend " oh look at all those bloody foreigners as I have always thought they were tougher on immigrants

Get to lazy to stand up in the shower so I sit down in the shower

Sittig on a table donating sperm to my friend gabe

Videotape my mother in the shower.

Wanting to marry Tyler Joseph but then you remember he's married :(

I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

Before drinking the actual soft drink, I drink the fizz as fast as I can.

Looking outside the window and imagining a huge explosion destroy everything and then u surviving and trying to find a way to survive

whenever i'm talking about someone, i constantly check my phone to make sure i haven't butt-dialed them and they're listening to everything i'm saying about them!

While waiting for my food ot cook, I'll wash the dirty dishes that I used so that I don't need to wash lots of dishes after I eat.

Realizes there is less toilet paper than first thought. Hobbles across bathroom to find more. Failure. Take shower.

I wonder why people were happy after the last election

Call out the mistakes I see drivers make in front of me.

When walking into a smelly bathroom, hold your breath so you don't have to breathe in the poo air.

Has anyone else ever wondered why the women in shows and movies lie with the blanket covering them after apparently having sex with the other person.

Sometimes I make awkward eye contact with strangers. And I quickly look away. And then I look back. And then look away again. And I keep being compelled to stare awkwardly at the random stranger for no reason.

If two cars towing boats were to crash into each other, Would that make it a boating accident?

i would air drum even if theres no music playing

Whenever I'm holding two round objects, I try to juggle them.

While in the "try on" rooms of a clothing store, check myself out in the massive, wall mirror that's in there... and/or get nervous that someone is watching me.

I tell inanimate objects what to do.

when i talk to someone, and the one where i am talking with is saying a sentence very fast, am going to repeat the whole sentence in my head and then it sounds really weird.

I pick a green crayon from crayon box but it's one of those yellow-greens that look yellow and now my clover will be half yellow forever.

When sitting with my laptop on the sofa, and a family member is watching TV in the same room, chuckle occasionally at the screen, just so they know you're not watching porn or something.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.