Before I sing in the car, I always have to make sure I haven’t accidently butt-dialed anyone. –Ikka

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When you think thoughts, you think them in complete sentences as if you were saying them and in your accent.

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Worry that I'm will go schizophrenic.

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wait up to 14 days just to find the opportunity to use one, really good, joke.

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I wonder why the word ISLAND has an "S" in it?

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I know it is pointless but still hope to get THUMBS UP

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Sometimes when I watch live TV, I mute the TV when I get embarrassed at what is happening on screen to other people.

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Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

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Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

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Swirling your hair through your hair while something is loading.

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Sometimes I think ''Someone somewhere in the world just got slapped'' or ''Someone just took a nasty shit''.

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I pick a green crayon from crayon box but it's one of those yellow-greens that look yellow and now my clover will be half yellow forever.

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Spend countless hours looking at cars online I know I'll never be able to afford

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fist myself to the point of unconsciousness whilst masturbating to the speeches of Hitler

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Before drinking the actual soft drink, I drink the fizz as fast as I can.

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If I'm alone, I'll imagine myself as somebody else an start acting as if I'm in a different life, complete with different people and places because in my imagination, I get to control what is going to happen next. Because, my imagination is way better than my reality.

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Trying not to fart when laughing is challenging.

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in silences, freak, thinking someone can read your mind and tell them off in your head

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Buy tons of movies and only watch them once. Rarely buy books and reread them a million times.

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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I hate when people say for example,if something is $3.99 they say its four dollars.

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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Will use delayed foot-to-ass insults on verbal bullies. You know, the kind that goes off in the persons head days or weeks after they thought they won an argument with me.

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Spend several minutes to write a comment on a website, only to decide not no submit it after all.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.