I pick a green crayon from crayon box but it's one of those yellow-greens that look yellow and now my clover will be half yellow forever.

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Having sudden realizations that you are a person who exists.

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My dreams are almost always bizarre in some way - the only time they're ever normal is when they're the premonition type, and then they're about completely uneventful things but accurate down to the tiniest detail.

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Sittig on a table donating sperm to my friend gabe

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When I check into a hotel room I think about the countless number of sex acts that has been performed in there.

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Whenever I see a girl, I always do the math for how good they would be for banging

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Write "my opinion thinking-aloud-sentences" on the "circle the answer" test as footnotes when I'm not sure about the answer.

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Imagining yourself in the "Last Supper" scene. (in Jesus's spot matter of fact)

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Every time I walk up the stairs in my own house, I feel compelled to do it on all fours.

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strt thinking about something spinning, then cant stop no matter how hard you try.

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Whenever I hear someones name being announced on a p.a., in a store for example....I say out loud 'never heard of him/her'

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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im going to kill that person and get away with it

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I like to sleep on the floor; my my cushion is too soft.

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Wonder if life is just a dream then get a creepy feeling and immediately think happier thoughts.

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Before I sing in the car, I always have to make sure I haven’t accidently butt-dialed anyone. –Ikka

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Worry that I'm will go schizophrenic.

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wait up to 14 days just to find the opportunity to use one, really good, joke.

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I wonder why the word ISLAND has an "S" in it?

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I know it is pointless but still hope to get THUMBS UP

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Whenever I am in a dark room at night, and there is a window with blinds with a light shining through, I stand in front of it and pretend I am wearing a striped prison jumpsuit.

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sometimes when i fart i feel like i pooped a little in my underwear but tell myself ''no i didn't'' but feel poopy until i check.

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Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

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Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.