If I'm at work and have to poop, when I get in the stall I look under the opening at the bottom for any other feet in the other stalls to make sure I am alone. I always think what if when I do that someone else does it at the same time.

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Sometimes I make awkward eye contact with strangers. And I quickly look away. And then I look back. And then look away again. And I keep being compelled to stare awkwardly at the random stranger for no reason.

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This is kind of embarrassing... after I watched "Truman Show" I went home and talked to my mirror like Jim Carrey does in the film.

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If two cars towing boats were to crash into each other, Would that make it a boating accident?

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when you dont know what someone said so you just awkwardly start laughing and it turns out not to be funny.

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Write my own music without literally writing it on something even though I'm only grade 3

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Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

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Purposely scuff a shoe on pavement after the other scuffs by accident. Feel you scuffed this foot a little too much and so re-scuff the first to balance things out.

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when you kill a bug you act like a god and yell something before you kill it

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when home alone, I sing a song like im performing it in front of a crowd of a thousand people and any object nearby usually becomes my microphone

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Eat everything inside my burgers first then i eat the buns.

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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Think about all of the germs that are on restroom doors and water taps.

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Sometimes I think about what I would do if I accidentally killed someone. I don't want to kill anyone, but if I did it accidentally. Would I call an ambulance, hide the body, confess to police, destroy evidence, etc?

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Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

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When something weird happens I nod in agreement.

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ur parents never pay attention to u but when they do they r yelling at u

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I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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When you're bored or alone, you think of an argument you had with a friend recently, then think of all the things you should've said and get all powered up inside, but then you realise it's too late -_-

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When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

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Telling yourself that starting tomorrow you will start to exercise and eat better, but never doing it.

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Back away as much as I can from airplane toilets before flushing them because the noise scares me

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftcodes.info <

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When on a sidewalk I always try to make my last step on the block with my left foot.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.