Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

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Every time i find an insect in my basement i grab it put it in the toilet and pee on it victoriously while its being flushed down. But Im a nice guy, and i worry about this evil hatred i have towards insects.

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When driving and a song come on about death I switch the station because i'm afraid its going to happen to me

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When a teacher at school leaves a line of pen on the big whiteboard, my attention can NOT be drawn from it.

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fist myself to the point of unconsciousness whilst masturbating to the speeches of Hitler

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Giving my dog a massage.

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I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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sometimes when I'm eating, I eat with the opposite side of my mouth. just to be fair to it.

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Thinking about what other poeple are doing right now... Like someone solving world hunger and your sitting there playing games and having fun with friends that are nice and healthy.

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whenever i'm talking about someone, i constantly check my phone to make sure i haven't butt-dialed them and they're listening to everything i'm saying about them!

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Every new years eve I like to watch the date on my computer change all three the day, the month, and the year

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Comment on here and wait a few days and see if I got some likes . CMOOON , You do it .

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resting your head from your face to your hand and then you realize you face now looks disfigured.

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sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

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clean my ears with finger if they feel dirty...eat it.

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Everytime I have ear buds in and I hear myself breathing, I think others can hear it too so I slow my breathing or hold my breath.

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I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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The last meal I have before I get on a plane - I think about how it is food in one city and will be crapped out in another.

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I like to eat the crust on pizzas

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When I am about to thumb up a comment here that has not happened to me, I first stop myself thinking "but that has not happened to me" then I remember I thumb up comments just because I like them and proceed to do so most of the times

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Sometimes when I watch live TV, I mute the TV when I get embarrassed at what is happening on screen to other people.

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My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

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Sittig on a table donating sperm to my friend gabe

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Check the toilet paper after every wipe.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.