When I go to somewhere like France I always wittily comment to my friend " oh look at all those bloody foreigners as I have always thought they were tougher on immigrants

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Get to lazy to stand up in the shower so I sit down in the shower

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Sittig on a table donating sperm to my friend gabe

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Videotape my mother in the shower.

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Wanting to marry Tyler Joseph but then you remember he's married :(

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I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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Before drinking the actual soft drink, I drink the fizz as fast as I can.

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Looking outside the window and imagining a huge explosion destroy everything and then u surviving and trying to find a way to survive

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whenever i'm talking about someone, i constantly check my phone to make sure i haven't butt-dialed them and they're listening to everything i'm saying about them!

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While waiting for my food ot cook, I'll wash the dirty dishes that I used so that I don't need to wash lots of dishes after I eat.

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Realizes there is less toilet paper than first thought. Hobbles across bathroom to find more. Failure. Take shower.

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I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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Call out the mistakes I see drivers make in front of me.

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When walking into a smelly bathroom, hold your breath so you don't have to breathe in the poo air.

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Has anyone else ever wondered why the women in shows and movies lie with the blanket covering them after apparently having sex with the other person.

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Sometimes I make awkward eye contact with strangers. And I quickly look away. And then I look back. And then look away again. And I keep being compelled to stare awkwardly at the random stranger for no reason.

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If two cars towing boats were to crash into each other, Would that make it a boating accident?

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i would air drum even if theres no music playing

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Whenever I'm holding two round objects, I try to juggle them.

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While in the "try on" rooms of a clothing store, check myself out in the massive, wall mirror that's in there... and/or get nervous that someone is watching me.

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I tell inanimate objects what to do.

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when i talk to someone, and the one where i am talking with is saying a sentence very fast, am going to repeat the whole sentence in my head and then it sounds really weird.

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I pick a green crayon from crayon box but it's one of those yellow-greens that look yellow and now my clover will be half yellow forever.

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When sitting with my laptop on the sofa, and a family member is watching TV in the same room, chuckle occasionally at the screen, just so they know you're not watching porn or something.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.