I pick a green crayon from crayon box but it's one of those yellow-greens that look yellow and now my clover will be half yellow forever.

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in silences, freak, thinking someone can read your mind and tell them off in your head

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Trying not to fart when laughing is challenging.

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Buy tons of movies and only watch them once. Rarely buy books and reread them a million times.

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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Whenever I hear someones name being announced on a p.a., in a store for example....I say out loud 'never heard of him/her'

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Will use delayed foot-to-ass insults on verbal bullies. You know, the kind that goes off in the persons head days or weeks after they thought they won an argument with me.

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im going to kill that person and get away with it

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Spend several minutes to write a comment on a website, only to decide not no submit it after all.

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In a meeting at work, you imagine throwing coffee into your boss's face, just to see what he would do.

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push a fart out really slow so you think nobody will hear it

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put the volume on the TV as an even number, and feeling uncomfortable if it's on an odd number

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I feel like my blanket is an indestructible shield against any monsters that might try to get me at night. If any part of you is out of the covers, you're screwed. lol -ML

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when a sex scene comes on the tv i try make up an excuse to go somewhere like i need a drink or a pee.

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When I am in class or somewhere boring I start getting thoughts of weird senerios like a group of zombies swamping the place or being hit by an earthquake etc and being one of the surivors. But then i realise that the possibility of that happening is incredibly slim and get depressed. Bananas!

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The girl I like has just managed to transfer her consciousness into my mind, now being to hear my every thought and see everything I do. Just. Act. Cool.

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Make hand gestures when talking on phone

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I try to eat my favorite foods slowly so I can enjoy the taste, but end up eating it really fast anyways

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I feel like people next to me can read my mind so if I start thinking about something sexual it feels super awkward

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sometimes when i fart i feel like i pooped a little in my underwear but tell myself ''no i didn't'' but feel poopy until i check.

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When I am about to thumb up a comment here that has not happened to me, I first stop myself thinking "but that has not happened to me" then I remember I thumb up comments just because I like them and proceed to do so most of the times

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I refuse to forward chain letters

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Writing/ Typing "wemon" to represent more than 1 women, but then realizing that it's not actually a word...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.