I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Put toilet paper on the seat in my own house.

thumb_up thumb_down -93

I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Call out the mistakes I see drivers make in front of me.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

When I go to bed, I imagine how I would deal with intruders, then I can't sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

I wonder do females have morning wood equivalent?

thumb_up thumb_down -16

When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

after switching lights..i go run as hard as i could do after reaching the bed

thumb_up thumb_down -24

When I wipe after taking a poo I always get excited when there is no extra poo to be wiped off...yea...don't judge

thumb_up thumb_down -24

I kick my shoes off, sending them flying to various parts of the room. I then pick them up and place them neatly beside each other

thumb_up thumb_down -26

twirl your penis in a cirlce and make the woo woo sound

thumb_up thumb_down -26

When reading something on the internet highlighting the words, they don't even have to be what you'r reading just highlighting large sections of the article at random.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

check for spiders under the toilet seat before taking a dump

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Sit at your desk at work and think to yourself "is this it? I feel like I was meant for something bigger, like being an actor or a real life hero." then you look around you and feel bad because you feel like you dumped on everyone else who seem happy wih their lives. Then you go back to your boring desk job anyway.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Sitting on a table at school and looking at the things u only think i do website

thumb_up thumb_down -32

You like to think about how your favorite characters would react if you told them that they were fictional.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

I sit sideways on the toilet because my bony butt fits better that way.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Feeling like no one really "knows" me, but only what they already see/know. Most things about me my family don't know about.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

In the summer when it's hot, I bring a fan into the bathroom when I take a crap.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Search for blackheads on your arms for hours just because youre bored!

thumb_up thumb_down -38

I have to keep reading website pages until I reached 5, 10, 15 etc. When I get close to my age though, I can finish there.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Pretend my life is a videogame.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Saying an awkward word enough times so that it doesn't sound like a real word anymore

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Before drinking the actual soft drink, I drink the fizz as fast as I can.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.