Vote for the other guy

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Whenever I fart, I always smell it. But when other people fart, I don't want to smell it.

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'whores-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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Try to talk to my pet telepathically. - sky

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Drink half the water in a water bottle and then swish it around pretending to drown little people inside it.

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When you are in a car and a sad song comes on look out the window and pretend you are in a movie.

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Judge a stranger in your mind (God, they're ugly/fat etc.) then wonder if they heard you thinking it.

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Sometimes when I'm all alone, I like to rub vasceline on myself and pretend I'm a slug.

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Rubbing your scalp and watching your dandruff fall like snowflakes

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Trying to preform oral on yourself.... And failing.

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open the fridge A eat food B think

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Watching movies about couples with age gaps and woundering how it would feel like to be with somebody much older (or younger) than you. Would they use viagra or would you not even try to have sex with someone so old and delicate?

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Assume that on another planet or galaxy there are people just like humans that look exactly like me. Like an alternate universe.

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I type a comment here and secretly feel special

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do math problems in my head while having sex to keep from coming

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worry about other people hearing you pee when your in the bathroom.

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Thinking of a song to get an annoying one out of your head, then realizing that one's even worse.

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Wipe drink can with shirt after someone (mainly father) has had a sip.

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Whenever I am in a dark room at night, and there is a window with blinds with a light shining through, I stand in front of it and pretend I am wearing a striped prison jumpsuit.

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Telling yourself that starting tomorrow you will start to exercise and eat better, but never doing it.

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Pee in the shower

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Always check the other side of the shower curtain when showering out of fear that someone is on the other side

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I imagine that there are lines coming out from things and I don't step on the lines (columns, buildings, walls, corners, etc.)

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right before I go to sleep, I think about a certain situation. so I will dream about that

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.