When I get the chance, I always nick a chip from my mum's or dad's dinner.

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imagine a bunch of girls are watching you at home, so you don't look like a dumbass

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When listening to music via headphones in public, I become paranoid that I am bothering everyone around me as my breathing becomes louder without me realising.

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Whenever I fall over I always seem to think coherently throughout the fall about what can I do to make this less painful

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Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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text somebody something and if they don't reply quickly, resend that same text.

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Hatch an escape plan as soon as my date starts to complain about anything.

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When going to the bathroom, lock it and when trying to unlock and don't succeed immediately... ITS A TRAP! I'M LOCKED IN MY OWN BATHROOM!!

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Wonder if life is just a dream then get a creepy feeling and immediately think happier thoughts.

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When you think thoughts, you think them in complete sentences as if you were saying them and in your accent.

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Wonder if I have a twin across the world and he makes all the opposite decisions.

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worry about other people hearing you pee when your in the bathroom.

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Wave my hand at automatic doors just as they open pretending that I have Jedi powers

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Try to stop a stopwatch exactly on 1 second with no extra milliseconds

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I forget I turned the toaster on and jump when it goes off.

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spank it during my commute if I am in traffic

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When someone is talking to me and I'm not really listening, when it gets quiet I say 'that's crazy' so they think I'm listening.

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When on a long car ride, i tend to look out the window and imagine that i am running on the side of the car and doing flips and other types of parkour to keep up with my car...

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When I create a situation in my mind where someone is making me mad, then I actually get mad.

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I never find things funny unless I'm in a completely silent room, and it is then that I think or see something funny and begin to almost cry of laughter.

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When I was younger I used to challenge myself with touching the roof I would first jump and see if I could touch it then I would try and see how long I can touch it and now every once in a while I just touch it and think of how far I have come.

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When in a public bathroom and others are in there, pretend to fix your clothes/hair until everyone has left before you use it.

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sit closer to the water so my poop isn't so loud..

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If I have my computer and I have to do something quietly (because there are other people about) I hear music in heaphones, just so it seems to myself that I'm more discreet, as I can't hear myself.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.