Call out the mistakes I see drivers make in front of me.

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When I go to bed, I imagine how I would deal with intruders, then I can't sleep.

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I wonder do females have morning wood equivalent?

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When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

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Almost every time someone tells me something sad I have to fight the urge to grin.

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after switching lights..i go run as hard as i could do after reaching the bed

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When I wipe after taking a poo I always get excited when there is no extra poo to be wiped off...yea...don't judge

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I kick my shoes off, sending them flying to various parts of the room. I then pick them up and place them neatly beside each other

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twirl your penis in a cirlce and make the woo woo sound

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check for spiders under the toilet seat before taking a dump

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When reading something on the internet highlighting the words, they don't even have to be what you'r reading just highlighting large sections of the article at random.

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Sit at your desk at work and think to yourself "is this it? I feel like I was meant for something bigger, like being an actor or a real life hero." then you look around you and feel bad because you feel like you dumped on everyone else who seem happy wih their lives. Then you go back to your boring desk job anyway.

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Smoking a cigarette on the toilet and then accidentally ashing directly into your panties. Everytime.

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Sitting on a table at school and looking at the things u only think i do website

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You like to think about how your favorite characters would react if you told them that they were fictional.

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Feeling like no one really "knows" me, but only what they already see/know. Most things about me my family don't know about.

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I sit sideways on the toilet because my bony butt fits better that way.

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In the summer when it's hot, I bring a fan into the bathroom when I take a crap.

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Search for blackheads on your arms for hours just because youre bored!

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I have to keep reading website pages until I reached 5, 10, 15 etc. When I get close to my age though, I can finish there.

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Pretend my life is a videogame.

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Saying an awkward word enough times so that it doesn't sound like a real word anymore

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Before drinking the actual soft drink, I drink the fizz as fast as I can.

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i feel relived after i prick and see that hard-white thinggy that oozes outside my annoying acne.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.