When my cat follows me, I pretend we're a pack or some sort of gang and i would be the leader.

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Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

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Trying to preform oral on yourself.... And failing.

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At school I go along with the norm even though inside I HATE it!!!!

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while i'm doing something,i think a suitable soundtrack for it.

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when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

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when a sex scene comes on the tv i try make up an excuse to go somewhere like i need a drink or a pee.

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Create the perfect song/poem/philosophical theory/scientific discovery right before you fall asleep and forget it in the morning.

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Has anyone else ever wondered why the women in shows and movies lie with the blanket covering them after apparently having sex with the other person.

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I can read people's life's and figure out the truth about them with out them telling me how their life is

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Walk into a public bathroom and go to the urinal, but then stop and think theres some guy who will perv on you and then go in the cubicle.

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I don't thumb down any submissions because then I am just as bad as the people who thumb down mine

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When you sit down to use the toilet, start, and then realize that the window is open and people can hear you.You then either search for something to mask the sound or proceed to relieve yourself by making as little noise as possible (ultimately failing)

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Always check the other side of the shower curtain when showering out of fear that someone is on the other side

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Imagine that other people can see what im doing, then try to act differently.

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i would air drum even if theres no music playing

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Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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When I wipe after taking a poo I always get excited when there is no extra poo to be wiped off...yea...don't judge

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Make a little song with tiny breaths out of your nose

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I tell inanimate objects what to do.

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While driving out in the country area, I am secretly looking for Squatch

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.