My dreams are almost always bizarre in some way - the only time they're ever normal is when they're the premonition type, and then they're about completely uneventful things but accurate down to the tiniest detail.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

I am 23 and I still wish the stalk will take back my younger brother

thumb_up thumb_down -39

when you get a runny nose suddenly checks for blood oh good its clear

thumb_up thumb_down -41

call someone by a siblings name.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Check the lint filter on the dryer every time I walk into the laundry room.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Have a dream about somebody being mean to me. Proceed to be mean to them in real life.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Say ow when I bang something I'm caring into something, even though I didn't get hurt at all. -B

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Trying not to fart when laughing is challenging.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

think that your whole life is just a dream and that you're going to wake up someday

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Lay down in bed and close my eyes and pretend that the bed is slowly levitating towards the ceiling. When I open my eyes, the bed is back on the ground.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Make jokes about yourself on the period: "dear god, this is the 5th day I`m bleeding and I`m sill not dead. What kind of monster am I?" ...not funny... :)

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Go up/down the stairs in 10 steps exactly. Talk to an imaginary girlfriend when I'm guilty of something, and she helps me out and holds me till I fall asleep.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Only I CAN TYPE FUCKlNG FUCKlNG FUCKlNG AS MANY FUCKlNG TIMES I FUCKlNG WANT! Moral the friendly r*pist: FUCKlNG COOL!

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Whenever I hear someones name being announced on a p.a., in a store for example....I say out loud 'never heard of him/her'

thumb_up thumb_down -67

When driving along in the car, imagining crashing and another car coming into you and the repercussions of it all.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

thumb_up thumb_down -79

I don't like Winter. Because I'm scared that when we use the heater, our house will catch on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down -89

When I make croissants from the Pillsbury can, I'll take one of the little triangles and eat it, because I like the consistency of dough, and i like the fizzy feeling of the yeast on my tongue.

thumb_up thumb_down -93

when you're microwaving something and you have to pee, you run to the bathroom. then you run back to see if there is still time left before the "bomb" goes off.

thumb_up thumb_down -95

Pick your dead skin then eat it.

thumb_up thumb_down -105

while i'm doing something,i think a suitable soundtrack for it.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Wave my hand at automatic doors just as they open pretending that I have Jedi powers

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.