When a person tells you: Oh you like Lana Del Rey? Me:No,I like the wall

Scratch my scalp and look around the place if there is someone watching me (if no one does) quickly smell my fingers

Run back into your room when your microwaving something

I think Lois Griffin on Family Guy is hot!

Lay down in bed and close my eyes and pretend that the bed is slowly levitating towards the ceiling. When I open my eyes, the bed is back on the ground.

~When you turn around, somebody is already looking at you; something is probably on your face. (I know they look at you because you would look at anybody turning around, but I just hate it)

Having the tv on always, just for background noise. Doesn't work with a computer/laptop, must be the tv.

It takes half as long to take a dump if I forget my phone.

When you think thoughts, you think them in complete sentences as if you were saying them and in your accent.

I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

Pee in the shower

Call out the mistakes I see drivers make in front of me.

When I go to bed, I imagine how I would deal with intruders, then I can't sleep.

When I'm in a public place with a lot of people, I sometimes imagine myself being an epic hero saving everyone there from a monster or some sort of bad guy.

Eat a biscuit realise how nice it is and eat the whole packet

Wave my hand at automatic doors just as they open pretending that I have Jedi powers

I make a mental note NOT to buy the product or service if I feel they are trying to brainwash me with their ads.

Putting salt on dry toast, yum!

Thinking of a song to get an annoying one out of your head, then realizing that one's even worse.

thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

Try to use my "Brain Power" to pick up things when I am too lazy to get up and get them.

sometimes when i fart i feel like i pooped a little in my underwear but tell myself ''no i didn't'' but feel poopy until i check.

Cover up the webcam on my laptop because I think someone might be watching me through it.

I don't thumb down any submissions because then I am just as bad as the people who thumb down mine

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.