When a person tells you: Oh you like Lana Del Rey? Me:No,I like the wall

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Scratch my scalp and look around the place if there is someone watching me (if no one does) quickly smell my fingers

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Run back into your room when your microwaving something

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I think Lois Griffin on Family Guy is hot!

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Lay down in bed and close my eyes and pretend that the bed is slowly levitating towards the ceiling. When I open my eyes, the bed is back on the ground.

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~When you turn around, somebody is already looking at you; something is probably on your face. (I know they look at you because you would look at anybody turning around, but I just hate it)

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Having the tv on always, just for background noise. Doesn't work with a computer/laptop, must be the tv.

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It takes half as long to take a dump if I forget my phone.

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When you think thoughts, you think them in complete sentences as if you were saying them and in your accent.

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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Pee in the shower

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Call out the mistakes I see drivers make in front of me.

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When I go to bed, I imagine how I would deal with intruders, then I can't sleep.

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When I'm in a public place with a lot of people, I sometimes imagine myself being an epic hero saving everyone there from a monster or some sort of bad guy.

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Eat a biscuit realise how nice it is and eat the whole packet

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Wave my hand at automatic doors just as they open pretending that I have Jedi powers

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I make a mental note NOT to buy the product or service if I feel they are trying to brainwash me with their ads.

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Putting salt on dry toast, yum!

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Thinking of a song to get an annoying one out of your head, then realizing that one's even worse.

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thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

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Try to use my "Brain Power" to pick up things when I am too lazy to get up and get them.

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sometimes when i fart i feel like i pooped a little in my underwear but tell myself ''no i didn't'' but feel poopy until i check.

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Cover up the webcam on my laptop because I think someone might be watching me through it.

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I don't thumb down any submissions because then I am just as bad as the people who thumb down mine

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.