When I am talking about someone, I check my phone to make sure it hasn't dialed them and to make sure they aren't listening.

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I look really handsome in my mirror, only to find myself looking weird in other mirrors, and like a total retard at photographies.

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Fantasize about shooting one of those trucks that have some sort of liquid in them and watching them blow up.

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Sometimes I toot.

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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I fill my bathtub up with marinara and then sit curled up in it and pretend that I am a meatball.

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Go to the same website two days in a row and then never again after that

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Make a little song with tiny breaths out of your nose

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on hot summer days when I exit the shower I only dry off my legs to the point where they aren't dripping but my leg hair is still wet.

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When I am about to thumb up a comment here that has not happened to me, I first stop myself thinking "but that has not happened to me" then I remember I thumb up comments just because I like them and proceed to do so most of the times

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I apologize, when i bump against things.

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When I'm eating ice cream in a bowl I stir it until it becomes like ice cream soup.

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I am always SO sure the metal detector or store alarms will go off when I walk through them. –Ikka

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When I do something stupid and people are around I hope that nobody saw me and I never tell anyone what I did. But if i do something stupid and I am alone I feel I have to tell somebody.

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Sittig on a table donating sperm to my friend gabe

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Sometimes I think about what I would do if I accidentally killed someone. I don't want to kill anyone, but if I did it accidentally. Would I call an ambulance, hide the body, confess to police, destroy evidence, etc?

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

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Only I CAN TYPE FUCKlNG FUCKlNG FUCKlNG AS MANY FUCKlNG TIMES I FUCKlNG WANT! Moral the friendly r*pist: FUCKlNG COOL!

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Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

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When serving grilled steak, I always make sure I get the best one.

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I hate when my mom hangs my underwear on the clothesline outside.

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Whenever I'm in the shower, I never close my eyes because I think someones gonna kill me

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Think about all of the germs that are on restroom doors and water taps.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.