I don't like to answer the phone because it is never for me.

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While driving out in the country area, I am secretly looking for Squatch

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A lot of times I'll make up reasons for why different things happen even though I really have absolutely no idea.

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I choose not to post a comment on some subjects because I know there will be a hundred others that will be the same.

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If I see the same model of vehicle as mine in a parking lot, I get overly excited if I manage to get a parking spot next to it. Extra points for same color or type (i.e. quad cab vs regular cab).

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It's hot but I still have on covers

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Every time i find an insect in my basement i grab it put it in the toilet and pee on it victoriously while its being flushed down. But Im a nice guy, and i worry about this evil hatred i have towards insects.

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Check the lint filter on the dryer every time I walk into the laundry room.

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Miss the bus, keep running pretending I was going somewhere else.

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Saying something stupid and then claiming it was an inside joke so you don't look stupid.

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wonder who wrote these things

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when looking at a reflection of myself, i try to do it as fast as i can before the reflection does something i didnt

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When I Was Little I Always Slept On My Stomach Even If I Wasn't Comfortable Because I Thought It Would Be Harder For Aliens To Abduct Me.

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Take advantage of loud traffic to fart really hard.

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Likes that girggle sound you make after a burp.

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Normally I can do a specific task no problem but when someone is watching and I know that they are watching I screw up.

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When serving grilled steak, I always make sure I get the best one.

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I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

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When I fap at friends house, I use mobile data instead of his wifi incase history can be seen

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Read this site's posts, think of something awesome to write but then forget it because you decided to read more and finish the page rather than write it immediately.

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skipping back to the start of the guitar solo over and over so I can pretend I'm playing it

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Consume skin around finger nails. Cuticle too.

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i always think people can hear my thoughts.

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This is kind of embarrassing... after I watched "Truman Show" I went home and talked to my mirror like Jim Carrey does in the film.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.