My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

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When you know your alone, you still have to check the whole house.

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Playing with a tiny piece of loose skin in the middle of my upper lip.

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flushing the toilet eventho not yet finish pee-ing. So that the water sucks it right after the last drop of your pee. Saves 2-3seconds of your life.

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Smell a fart and don't react until someone else does.

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only turning the TV volume to numbers ending in 5

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Sitting next to a banana called James

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I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

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I think Lois Griffin on Family Guy is hot!

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When out I like to "people watch."

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Sometimes cringe at the sound when other people scratch themselves

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Pretending not to hear someone talk to you hoping they wont care enough to repeat themselves so you wont have to talk to them

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Boinked my neighbor

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Play poly-rhythmic drum beats along with my turn signal on my car.

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Likes that girggle sound you make after a burp.

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When driving along in the car, imagining crashing and another car coming into you and the repercussions of it all.

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I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

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When I go to the shops I like to park my car next to a specific coloured car so I can find it afterwards.

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I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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~When you turn around, somebody is already looking at you; something is probably on your face. (I know they look at you because you would look at anybody turning around, but I just hate it)

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Hatch an escape plan as soon as my date starts to complain about anything.

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I feel no shame that I am a camgirl online and bring in about $2800 a month just to flash guys my boobs. :)

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.