When you know your alone, you still have to check the whole house.

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My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

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Get excited when your friends think your favorite song is cool.

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Do sex sensations feel exactly the same for the opposite sex.

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Remove all the stupid gobbldegook words that the captchas from this site add to my predictive text.

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If I see the same model of vehicle as mine in a parking lot, I get overly excited if I manage to get a parking spot next to it. Extra points for same color or type (i.e. quad cab vs regular cab).

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Every time i find an insect in my basement i grab it put it in the toilet and pee on it victoriously while its being flushed down. But Im a nice guy, and i worry about this evil hatred i have towards insects.

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fart and talk thinking it will cover the smell

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I brush my teeth while im in the shower

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I mute music videos and watch them to completely different music.

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Saying something stupid and then claiming it was an inside joke so you don't look stupid.

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Sometimes cringe at the sound when other people scratch themselves

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Run back into your room when your microwaving something

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I HATE minecraft gift codes and the morons who post about them. I wish those morons would get off my planet.

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If I am waiting on someone and they are late, I start mentally listing their faults, flaws and mistakes but feel kind of bad for doing it when they finally show up.

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Whenever I'm in the shower, I never close my eyes because I think someones gonna kill me

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When I fap at friends house, I use mobile data instead of his wifi incase history can be seen

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Read this site's posts, think of something awesome to write but then forget it because you decided to read more and finish the page rather than write it immediately.

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When you say bye to someone and keep walking in the same direction, and then its really awkward...

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Thinking of a song to get an annoying one out of your head, then realizing that one's even worse.

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sit closer to the water so my poop isn't so loud..

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Check the shower before you pee to make sure nothing is waiting there to literally get you with your pants down.

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Being so socially awkward that when you have a successful interaction with another human being, you play it in your head over and over again.

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.