Whenever I fart, I always smell it. But when other people fart, I don't want to smell it.

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wonder who wrote these things

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chew on the side of my teeth

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If I am waiting on someone and they are late, I start mentally listing their faults, flaws and mistakes but feel kind of bad for doing it when they finally show up.

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Whenever I fall over I always seem to think coherently throughout the fall about what can I do to make this less painful

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Make jokes about yourself on the period: "dear god, this is the 5th day I`m bleeding and I`m sill not dead. What kind of monster am I?" ...not funny... :)

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Comment on here and wait a few days and see if I got some likes . CMOOON , You do it .

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Sometimes when I'm all alone, I like to rub vasceline on myself and pretend I'm a slug.

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speak proper english

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if something stands for something, i come up with my own version of it.

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you collect best whatsapp status for your whatsapp and facebook at techcloud7.org

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when you're microwaving something and you have to pee, you run to the bathroom. then you run back to see if there is still time left before the "bomb" goes off.

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Read this site's posts, think of something awesome to write but then forget it because you decided to read more and finish the page rather than write it immediately.

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while i'm doing something,i think a suitable soundtrack for it.

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because fuck the NSA.

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Stand really close to the mirror and look myself in the eyes. Try to scare myself or make a really fast movement, hoping my reflection can't keep up.

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When someone is talking to me and I'm not really listening, when it gets quiet I say 'that's crazy' so they think I'm listening.

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Refreshing captcha codes for five minutes straight until you find reasonably legible letters.

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When in a public bathroom and others are in there, pretend to fix your clothes/hair until everyone has left before you use it.

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Say "what?" when you know what they said, then answer before they can respond. I do it because it takes me a second to figure out what they said and so my immediate response it "what?".

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Walk into a public bathroom and go to the urinal, but then stop and think theres some guy who will perv on you and then go in the cubicle.

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I don't thumb down any submissions because then I am just as bad as the people who thumb down mine

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Pick out an object ahead of me on the footpath and guess which foot will step closest to it

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Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.