Constantly looking up at a Facebook tab while on another tab to see if you have any notifications or messages.

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When I'm in the shower I act like I'm filming a music video.

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Look at my poop before flushing

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having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

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check shower for murder then pee

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i have my own way of eating every chocolate bar i eat, layer by layer

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I sometimes start moving my hands around "making them fight" pretending they are tiny fighters.

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My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

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Just ocassionally stand up and pontlessly walk around the house when using the computer. Anyone?

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Pour the cheap shampoo I can only afford these days into the empty expensive bottle to trick myself I'm still using the good stuff.

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I always find myself criticizing some commercials on television like the first time I see them I think nothing of it but the third or fourth time I think hey wait a second...

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When Im going to sleep , I try to think of good things so I wont think of scary things

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Play as both sides on fifa

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I'm ridiculously turned on by the scent nail polish.

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flushing the toilet eventho not yet finish pee-ing. So that the water sucks it right after the last drop of your pee. Saves 2-3seconds of your life.

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Forget a seemingly simple word. Shout it out at random 3 days later...(don't tell me you don't do this)

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When a person tells you: Oh you like Lana Del Rey? Me:No,I like the wall

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I masturbate with sandpaper

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After reading some good posts here, I skipped to the last pages just to find out really sick people and stupid things.

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Vote for the other guy

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Boinked my neighbor

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Think about breathing...

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When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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Leave coins on the floor in the corner when I have a party to see if there is a petty thief around

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.