- Things You Think Only You Do

Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

When in a public bathroom and others are in there, pretend to fix your clothes/hair until everyone has left before you use it.

After peeling an apple, I will put the apple in a zip-lock and hold it through the plastic so my hands won't get sticky while I eat it.

When I'm alone with my pet, sometimes we just sit down and stare at each each other for a minute or two

I sometimes start moving my hands around "making them fight" pretending they are tiny fighters.

When I go to somewhere like France I always wittily comment to my friend " oh look at all those bloody foreigners as I have always thought they were tougher on immigrants

When watching television, I give people I don't like the finger

When I'm walking along and just trip over my own foot I look back and pretend to look at whatever it was I tripped over.

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My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

When buying anything - a book, pint of milk, food, pen - will go to put down the first one you picked up to find a newer one.... Then feel really bad for the other one you put down and go back to that one so it doesn't feel hurt.

When you know your alone, you still have to check the whole house.

flushing the toilet eventho not yet finish pee-ing. So that the water sucks it right after the last drop of your pee. Saves 2-3seconds of your life.

Get to lazy to stand up in the shower so I sit down in the shower

Being able to scare people by awkwardly standing behind them

I'm ridiculously turned on by the scent nail polish.

My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

trip over nothing. break into spontaneous dancing.

I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

When out I like to "people watch."

I think Lois Griffin on Family Guy is hot!

Sometimes cringe at the sound when other people scratch themselves

When someones talking to a group of people that I'm in and says something bad that I do but think nobody else does, I stand perfectly still and don't blink and breath as quietly as possible until the next subject arrives.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.