When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

~When you turn around, somebody is already looking at you; something is probably on your face. (I know they look at you because you would look at anybody turning around, but I just hate it)

thumb_up thumb_down -80

I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Hatch an escape plan as soon as my date starts to complain about anything.

thumb_up thumb_down -82

Watching movies about couples with age gaps and woundering how it would feel like to be with somebody much older (or younger) than you. Would they use viagra or would you not even try to have sex with someone so old and delicate?

thumb_up thumb_down -92

I feel no shame that I am a camgirl online and bring in about $2800 a month just to flash guys my boobs. :)

thumb_up thumb_down +23

I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Wave my hand at automatic doors just as they open pretending that I have Jedi powers

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I can read people's life's and figure out the truth about them with out them telling me how their life is

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Check the shower before you pee to make sure nothing is waiting there to literally get you with your pants down.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

I always have to know exactly what time it is before I go to sleep, just so I can figure out exactly how many hours of sleep I will get.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

When in a public bathroom and others are in there, pretend to fix your clothes/hair until everyone has left before you use it.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

I hate other people's mirrors, they make me look different

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Feel the bed gets more comfortable the longer you put off getting into bed.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Hearing a noise and turning around to see if theres a monster in the room, and when you see nothing you think "hmm, he hides everytime I turn my head around." and then for the next minute you try to suddenly look back to see if you can catch it off guard.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Get to lazy to stand up in the shower so I sit down in the shower

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Being able to scare people by awkwardly standing behind them

thumb_up thumb_down -37

I'm ridiculously turned on by the scent nail polish.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Skip the first 3 minutes of "Free Bird" because it's too slow.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

when you get a runny nose suddenly checks for blood oh good its clear

thumb_up thumb_down -41

My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Have a dream about somebody being mean to me. Proceed to be mean to them in real life.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

After a meal if I need to use a toothpick I would eat the piece of food I "picked".

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.