Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

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sing like a pro in da shower

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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wonder who wrote these things

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When I fap at friends house, I use mobile data instead of his wifi incase history can be seen

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Stare blankly at your desktop when someone walks in the room so they won't know that you were watching porn lol

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Read this site's posts, think of something awesome to write but then forget it because you decided to read more and finish the page rather than write it immediately.

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Stand really close to the mirror and look myself in the eyes. Try to scare myself or make a really fast movement, hoping my reflection can't keep up.

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Stepping on a concrete sidewalk square the exact amount of times as the others.

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Check the shower before you pee to make sure nothing is waiting there to literally get you with your pants down.

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Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

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Saving my cash this year and not buying into the shopping hype

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Playing with a tiny piece of loose skin in the middle of my upper lip.

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I tell inanimate objects what to do.

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Get extremly pissed off when everyone on youtube thinks that only guys use the website and call you "dude" , "bro" or "sir" when they respond to a comment you posted -_-

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Get to lazy to stand up in the shower so I sit down in the shower

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When you know your alone, you still have to check the whole house.

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When i close the refrigiator door, i re-open it and give it a good shove to make sure it tight.

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I masturbate with sandpaper

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Start to pray at night, but get bored and stop in 2 min.

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Look at every individual line on my hands and see if they are identicle

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Brake for tail-gaters

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never push to hard on the railing of a tall building, just in case its loose and you end up falling off.

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I no longer trust any of my local news because they appear to have an agenda

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.