When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

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I wear my boxers so I can poop through the pee hole

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I know it is pointless but still hope to get THUMBS UP

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Writing/ Typing "wemon" to represent more than 1 women, but then realizing that it's not actually a word...

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right before I go to sleep, I think about a certain situation. so I will dream about that

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While watching a movie, I hold my breath whenever there is a scene with the main character underwater just to see how long i would last in that situation.

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Tally mark everytime I take a shit.

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Feel the bed gets more comfortable the longer you put off getting into bed.

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When listening to headphones, I automatically start lip syncing the lyrics... But stop doing it when people look at me funny..

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i have conversations in my head about showing someone some music and end up playing specific parts of various songs on my ipod and memorise the timings just in case it does happen

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talking on the phone with somebody and then spending 10 minutes or so looking for your phone...

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Say 'she's not here' when someone that I don't know calls and asks for me.

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I always find myself criticizing some commercials on television like the first time I see them I think nothing of it but the third or fourth time I think hey wait a second...

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wonder if famous singers are actually the one that sings the song, or if someone else records it in the studio and then they lip sync at concerts.

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flushing the toilet eventho not yet finish pee-ing. So that the water sucks it right after the last drop of your pee. Saves 2-3seconds of your life.

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Moisturize "down there" after a really drying wipe session.

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Scratch my scalp and look around the place if there is someone watching me (if no one does) quickly smell my fingers

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Trying not to fart when laughing is challenging.

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Take advantage of loud traffic to fart really hard.

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when walking i always count how many steps i have taken as i go

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Search up google on bing or yahoo because i feel that google is so much better

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~When you turn around, somebody is already looking at you; something is probably on your face. (I know they look at you because you would look at anybody turning around, but I just hate it)

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I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

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text somebody something and if they don't reply quickly, resend that same text.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.