Moving my bottom jaw around slightly makes me feel like I have dog-like ears and I'm moving them around.

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I hate when people say for example,if something is $3.99 they say its four dollars.

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When I Was Little I Always Slept On My Stomach Even If I Wasn't Comfortable Because I Thought It Would Be Harder For Aliens To Abduct Me.

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resting your head from your face to your hand and then you realize you face now looks disfigured.

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Sometimes I think about what I would do if I accidentally killed someone. I don't want to kill anyone, but if I did it accidentally. Would I call an ambulance, hide the body, confess to police, destroy evidence, etc?

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When serving grilled steak, I always make sure I get the best one.

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pick leaves of bushes while im walking and rip them up into small pieces

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Pee in the shower

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When I'm walking in the street and I hear a car coming from behind I try to beat it by running to the closest telephonepole.

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sit closer to the water so my poop isn't so loud..

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Say "what?" when you know what they said, then answer before they can respond. I do it because it takes me a second to figure out what they said and so my immediate response it "what?".

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I save my files as "askjaskjaks" because I'm too lazy to give them a proper name.

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i would air drum even if theres no music playing

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Remove all the stupid gobbldegook words that the captchas from this site add to my predictive text.

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Every time i find an insect in my basement i grab it put it in the toilet and pee on it victoriously while its being flushed down. But Im a nice guy, and i worry about this evil hatred i have towards insects.

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I masturbate with sandpaper

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I like to eat the crust on pizzas

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When a person tells you: Oh you like Lana Del Rey? Me:No,I like the wall

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If I have to put the garbage out at night I sprint back into the house so the monsters don't get me

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It is really difficult for me to lose control of myself

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I like wet humping better than f*cking. but sometimes it slips in anyway, and it's that's pretty enjoyable too. and mt girlfriend is cool with. ... so it's actualy pretty whatevs either way. but wet humping is my jam.

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wonder who wrote these things

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I like to record the audio from TV shows and movies onto cassette tapes from my stereo, and listen to them on my Walkman while I'm working in the kitchen or around the house.

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Before getting in the shower, staring at your naked body, thinking your sexy.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.