Stare blankly at your desktop when someone walks in the room so they won't know that you were watching porn lol

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Sometimes when my teacher calls on me in class I imagine myself saying F**** you and then having the whole class look at me in disbelief

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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Worry a lot about the efficiency of your path when walking.

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worry about other people hearing you pee when your in the bathroom.

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Eat a biscuit realise how nice it is and eat the whole packet

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Thinking of a song to get an annoying one out of your head, then realizing that one's even worse.

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think that the NSA is always watching what you do online at any time you are even connected.

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Embarassingly repeatedly use of the word "bro" when irritated or excited.

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Check the shower before you pee to make sure nothing is waiting there to literally get you with your pants down.

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Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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I know it is pointless but still hope to get THUMBS UP

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I wear my boxers so I can poop through the pee hole

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sometimes when i fart i feel like i pooped a little in my underwear but tell myself ''no i didn't'' but feel poopy until i check.

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Blow on your ice cream for no apparent reason before you eat it.

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After peeling an apple, I will put the apple in a zip-lock and hold it through the plastic so my hands won't get sticky while I eat it.

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When your alone in the house you walk around naked even though there is no point

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When a teacher at school leaves a line of pen on the big whiteboard, my attention can NOT be drawn from it.

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Flexing your abs when you put on deodorant so you dont look fat

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Say 'she's not here' when someone that I don't know calls and asks for me.

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I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

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Have a dream about somebody being mean to me. Proceed to be mean to them in real life.

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Fantasize about taking over the world, and killing all religious people.

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When a person tells you: Oh you like Lana Del Rey? Me:No,I like the wall

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.