I don't leave the toilet in a public restroom until the other person leaves, so I don't have to make awkward eye contact.

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when you have just ended a argument with someone and you think what else you could of said that would have been better to say

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Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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Walk into a public bathroom and go to the urinal, but then stop and think theres some guy who will perv on you and then go in the cubicle.

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Say "what?" when you know what they said, then answer before they can respond. I do it because it takes me a second to figure out what they said and so my immediate response it "what?".

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Look at a guy and think that he is a good looking guy, than immidiatly try to think of something else because thats gay.

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I pee in the shower. :3

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The girl I like has just managed to transfer her consciousness into my mind, now being to hear my every thought and see everything I do. Just. Act. Cool.

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When I take a shower, I screw with my iPod for a half an hour "Waiting for the water to warm up".

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sometimes i poop in my pants and like the smell of my poop. Smells like whatever i just ate.

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When an awkward situation arises, pull out my phone and aimlessly flip through the apps to pretend I'm busy doing something

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I sometimes start moving my hands around "making them fight" pretending they are tiny fighters.

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

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Archer's Pam poovey, Lana Kane and Malory makes me horny

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Sometimes I won't do something just to see how long it takes before someone else does it (dishes, throw something away, fill the ice cube tray, etc.).

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Sit at your desk at work and think to yourself "is this it? I feel like I was meant for something bigger, like being an actor or a real life hero." then you look around you and feel bad because you feel like you dumped on everyone else who seem happy wih their lives. Then you go back to your boring desk job anyway.

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Fall down the stairs, bounce on your ass to the bottom, feel scared, then want to DO IT AGAIN! Get pwned at a game, rage, look at your cat sitting beside you, looking back, and say "What?"

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When buying anything - a book, pint of milk, food, pen - will go to put down the first one you picked up to find a newer one.... Then feel really bad for the other one you put down and go back to that one so it doesn't feel hurt.

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I always find myself criticizing some commercials on television like the first time I see them I think nothing of it but the third or fourth time I think hey wait a second...

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When calling someone you hang up after 3 or 4 rings because you're tired of waiting rather than it being time to leave a message.

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call someone by a siblings name.

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I have won so many competitions online for things like being the 99, 999th visitor on the site

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When I walk past a homeless person asking for change, I avoid looking them in the eye and walk faster.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.