Sometimes I think about what I would do if I accidentally killed someone. I don't want to kill anyone, but if I did it accidentally. Would I call an ambulance, hide the body, confess to police, destroy evidence, etc?

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Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

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Make jokes about yourself on the period: "dear god, this is the 5th day I`m bleeding and I`m sill not dead. What kind of monster am I?" ...not funny... :)

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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Whenever I fall over I always seem to think coherently throughout the fall about what can I do to make this less painful

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eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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Don't make a sound when sitting in the stall and someone walks in; and in turn, don't say anything to the person in the stall even if you know who it is!

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When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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when you mouth words (but saying them out loud) when someone can't hear you

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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Legally changing your name to Peter Jankins just cuz

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Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

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skipping back to the start of the guitar solo over and over so I can pretend I'm playing it

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I type a comment here and secretly feel special

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When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

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when i'm at the computer i say out of loud what i'm typing

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sometimes when i fart i feel like i pooped a little in my underwear but tell myself ''no i didn't'' but feel poopy until i check.

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Dance in the car just so the person you like will see you and be like "Aw, cute" but then they don't even see you so you stop...

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when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

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When an awkward situation arises, pull out my phone and aimlessly flip through the apps to pretend I'm busy doing something

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.