I don't leave the toilet in a public restroom until the other person leaves, so I don't have to make awkward eye contact.

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Say "what?" when you know what they said, then answer before they can respond. I do it because it takes me a second to figure out what they said and so my immediate response it "what?".

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The girl I like has just managed to transfer her consciousness into my mind, now being to hear my every thought and see everything I do. Just. Act. Cool.

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thinking about how you will never understand who in the world thought it was a good idea to spell "Wednesday" like that

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When I take a shower, I screw with my iPod for a half an hour "Waiting for the water to warm up".

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sometimes i poop in my pants and like the smell of my poop. Smells like whatever i just ate.

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When an awkward situation arises, pull out my phone and aimlessly flip through the apps to pretend I'm busy doing something

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having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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Think about the same confusing random dilemas that dont involve me every week and alwaus come to the same conclusion

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Sometimes I won't do something just to see how long it takes before someone else does it (dishes, throw something away, fill the ice cube tray, etc.).

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Fall down the stairs, bounce on your ass to the bottom, feel scared, then want to DO IT AGAIN! Get pwned at a game, rage, look at your cat sitting beside you, looking back, and say "What?"

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Sit at your desk at work and think to yourself "is this it? I feel like I was meant for something bigger, like being an actor or a real life hero." then you look around you and feel bad because you feel like you dumped on everyone else who seem happy wih their lives. Then you go back to your boring desk job anyway.

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I always find myself criticizing some commercials on television like the first time I see them I think nothing of it but the third or fourth time I think hey wait a second...

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When I'm laying in bed and I feel my heartbeat, I turn around so I can't feel it because it makes me feel sick.

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When calling someone you hang up after 3 or 4 rings because you're tired of waiting rather than it being time to leave a message.

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fart and talk thinking it will cover the smell

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When a person tells you: Oh you like Lana Del Rey? Me:No,I like the wall

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when you wave at a car thinking its someone you know and it ends up being some old lady.

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I like to record the audio from TV shows and movies onto cassette tapes from my stereo, and listen to them on my Walkman while I'm working in the kitchen or around the house.

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Vote for the other guy

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I feel that there is something sinister going on in government

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Moving my bottom jaw around slightly makes me feel like I have dog-like ears and I'm moving them around.

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when looking at a reflection of myself, i try to do it as fast as i can before the reflection does something i didnt

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.