Check the shower before you pee to make sure nothing is waiting there to literally get you with your pants down.

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When I dry my hair after showering I put a towel on my head and look at the mirror pretending I am a mighty naked sheik.

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Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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There's this reassuring voice in my head. She's almost like a mother, telling me that it'll be alright and that I have things to do.

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While driving out in the country area, I am secretly looking for Squatch

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Talks to yourself in your head then replies to yourself out loud nikki

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A lot of times I'll make up reasons for why different things happen even though I really have absolutely no idea.

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when you're texting in class and you realize you are staring at your crotch and smiling.

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When you know your alone, you still have to check the whole house.

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Wish that Mexicans would go to their OWN country and stop living tax free in OURS.

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Remove all the stupid gobbldegook words that the captchas from this site add to my predictive text.

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Get excited when your friends think your favorite song is cool.

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Every time i find an insect in my basement i grab it put it in the toilet and pee on it victoriously while its being flushed down. But Im a nice guy, and i worry about this evil hatred i have towards insects.

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play on your game for ten minutes before you realise why you stoppedd the last time

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google search random thoughts you have to see if they pop up.

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When i close the refrigiator door, i re-open it and give it a good shove to make sure it tight.

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When I was younger I used to think that Red bull was a drink that really did give you wings like they show in the commercials

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I masturbate with sandpaper

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Sometimes I cant sleep without something making noise , like a fan .

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Start to pray at night, but get bored and stop in 2 min.

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If I have to put the garbage out at night I sprint back into the house so the monsters don't get me

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Scratch my scalp and look around the place if there is someone watching me (if no one does) quickly smell my fingers

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I think Lois Griffin on Family Guy is hot!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.