Try to use my "Brain Power" to pick up things when I am too lazy to get up and get them.

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when in the car with just one parent i get very cautious about what im thinking cuz i feel like they r reading my mind

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thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

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I don't like to answer the phone because it is never for me.

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I wear my boxers so I can poop through the pee hole

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I really enjoy spending my birthday alone. I never told anyone that.

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thinking about how you will never understand who in the world thought it was a good idea to spell "Wednesday" like that

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Always check the other side of the shower curtain when showering out of fear that someone is on the other side

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sometimes i poop in my pants and like the smell of my poop. Smells like whatever i just ate.

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When home alone, I put cans in front of the door so if someone breaks in, I wake up.

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Blow on your ice cream for no apparent reason before you eat it.

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Sometimes, I have a hard time looking people I know in the eyes but have no trouble looking strangers in the eyes. I wish I knew why. Help!

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Being so socially awkward that when you have a successful interaction with another human being, you play it in your head over and over again.

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Tally mark everytime I take a shit.

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If I have a top comment and I see someone else does, I upvote both of ours; friendly competition.

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My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

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Sometimes I won't do something just to see how long it takes before someone else does it (dishes, throw something away, fill the ice cube tray, etc.).

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Archer's Pam poovey, Lana Kane and Malory makes me horny

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Being able to scare people by awkwardly standing behind them

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When i close the refrigiator door, i re-open it and give it a good shove to make sure it tight.

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Search for blackheads on your arms for hours just because youre bored!

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I hate being called "buddy".

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when you get a runny nose suddenly checks for blood oh good its clear

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I make weird crazy faces at myself in the mirror whenever I leave the bathroom.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.